made a huge mistake with ex

[pumpkinpie5]

I have posted on here before, although a while ago.

My (abusive) ex partner and I have minimal contract and I have tried to set things so that we only talk regarding our dd.

It has taken a lot of counselling to get to the point where I feel more in control. Previously he used to come to my home and try to initiate sex. He was sexual ly abusive in our relationship.

I am in a better place now and he seems to be too. But today we had lunch before he picked up dd and he tried things on again and I was in a "fuck it mood" due to him telling me he is having another dd with his new wife.

We didn't have full sex but did things we shouldn't. I now feel like a total idiot and no better than his new wife who previously was the ow he walked out on us for.

I don't know what I am asking really. I felt on a weird high today because I felt I was in control and it was my decision and I was in control rather than it be forced on me but I know I was in shock from his news and rather than cry, this happened instead.

I don't know what to do now and I'm worried that all the boundaries I built up have come crumbling down. I was also the better person before and now I feel like an awful person. I have the wine out already and don't know what to do.

He's just using you to satisfy his own urges. he doesn't care about you, he doesn't care about his current wife, he's just thinking with his cock and his own selfish, pathetic needs.

You felt good being in control, there's nothing wrong with that, don't feel bad. But if it happens again, make sure you turn him down flat and say something like "nah, I'm just really not that into you anymore I'm afraid, go home to your wife" - that will really take the wind out of his sails.

Risetoday

You are right. If only I had the confidence to say that to him 😯

On another thread where grey rock was brought up.
That's what you need to do. Total grey rock.

It's fucking hard op. We all have our demons and our self destruct buttons. Christ I have gone back for more shit than I thought was humanly possible.

Be kind to yourself

Worried rose

I'm sorry you can relate. Maybe I don't deserve any better.

What is grey rock?

You fucking do deserve better!!!!!! I don't even know you and I can tell you that.

If you Google grey rock, it's about not engaging with the other person. You are literally grey and like a rock.

You sending that text was engaging and I can understand exactly why you did it. If he's played mind games with you for years then it's very hard to get out of that pattern. It's a vicous cycle and hard to defeat.

Thinking all you need to do is to be strong is very counter productive, it's much deeper than that. The guilt is part of the pattern!

You need to tell your therapist, because you need to talk about why this happened for you. And it's probably not a lot about the actual physicality of the actions.

Christ I sound like a therapist now!!
Just know that it's not your fault!!

Thank you. I have Google grey rock and totally see how that could work for me.

You are right, I need to work out why this happened. It is definitely not about the physical aspect of it, I know that much. After everything that has happened to me I am quite happy to never have another intimate relationship ever again.