NC but beginning to wonder if it is worth it. It isn't something I think I should worry about people recognising now!
Background: I was adopted within family aged 18 months. No real contact with birth mother as growing up, formed a brief relationship when I was 20 but was in a bad bad place and wasn't ready for it at all. Family is turbulent thanks to the history and the waters really run deep. No contact since then. Its been a decade or so.
Family member is visiting from over seas. Arranges to meet with my birth mother for coffee. I happen to be at the family home at the same time as wanted to see person visiting. I go out as not sure I wanted to be involved and took my toddler with me. Mum comes with me (not birth mother) and we chat. I message family member to say this family situation is silly now so why don't we all meet for coffee and birth mother can meet my toddler.
Birth mother refuses to meet with us, drops family member at bottom of drive way and leaves.
I feel a bit numb and it is like being rejected all over again. I think I'm a bit angry that she doesn't want to meet her grandchild and it also brings up a lot of feelings as my pregnancy was pretty marred by feelings of not being able to cope with being a mother.
I don't know how to process this and move on. Whether or not I should keep a door open in case there is chance of contact in the future (my door is always open for a cup of tea but cannot promise there would ever be a real friendship as too much time has passed as well as emotion) and how to explain it to my toddler as they grow.
Tbh I feel a bit lost and don't even know how I am supposed to feel. Am turning to the great and good of mumsnet to show me a path! Thanks :)