Life after engagement

[Safana]

Our engagement and relationship ended a few months ago and I couldn't let go. So eventually, he gave me an ultimatum. Get back together with no prospect of marrying, no kids and no living together. I accepted but now I feel like crap. He says it's a new relationship with new rules. He works hard but says he'll contact me when he wants to, sees me when it's convenient to him. Says that he wants to give me little commitment and I'm confused. I have a daughter that he was getting to know and was even referring to her as his step daughter, now since the break up/back together scenario, he often doesn't talk to her and always says she's nothing to do with him anymore.

Your DD deserves better than this and better role models than this. Get out for her sake.

Yep, infact I will hopefully feel empowered by breaking it all off. It's shameful that such ppl exist. Just still don't get how such rules were created on his side. Why the fuck did I not question them from the start. Heartbreak is quite a blinding thing, I'm finally seeing straight now.

I think everyone is entitled to set their own perimeters & rules when dating. Whether you choose to participate is your call. You sound at opposite ends of the spectrum. I think your call to end it, is the right one.
Good luck

Thank you, I agree

I'm a good hearted family lady who loves family Life. I split from husband 8yrs ago after domestic violence, I saved us from a cruel life. Ever since, I've tried to complete our unit with someone else but have come to the realisation, at this moment that we are already a family unit, no matter with or without a father figure/husband etc. My last live in boyfriend turned out to be gay...i found he'd been using a gay dating website on our shared computer. I seriously have no luck, I could almost write a book on my trials and tribulations of the dating world

but have come to the realisation, at this moment that we are already a family unit,

Congratulations. That is seriously such an important perspective to gain

Come on Op, you can do so much better than this bottom feeder.

You and your dd deserve love and respect.

Have you thought about doing the freedom program? It would help you to navigate away from destructive relationships.

Block this man from your life, take some healing time for yourself, go through the stages of bereavement, the loss of the dreams that you had for him.

You deserve better, you really do.

Just one last thing to throw into the mix, I suffer from ptsd. I tend to go quiet if I'm suffering a bad day, and in those days, I didn't take his 'unique' sense of humour funny, so part of tge new deal was that I had to tell him I was having a bad day and he'll stay away, cherry picking was his words.

Yeah you don't need this man or his deal

Be strong on your own

I really hope you have ongoing RL support to recover from previous abuse and PTSD.
It sounds to me that your 'what level of rubbish is acceptable in a relationship' radar could still do with some resetting.

Have you seen Reality's legendary post that is now a sticky at the top of the relationship board? Well worth a read.

Read this every day until you have internalised it