What happens now?

[Justwanttobehapp]

Hello to anyone who reads this. I have never posted on here before but I do keep up to date and this forum helped me through a difficult time in my life.
I have been in a relationship for almost two years and I love him but I don't know if I should trust him. Everything seemed to be going so well, he was and still behaves in an amazing way towards me. However, the first sign that something was not right was when I came across exchanges from him to other women. He was being inappropriate towards them, their responses were not encouraging at all and I thought it made him look a silly man.

I confronted him about the messages and he apologised and stated that he would not behave in such a way any longer. (These women do not live in the same country). He blocked and deleted them.

I was still hurt and shocked about it as there were no signs that he might be up to anything, maybe I was stupid but I didn't want us to not be together so I tried to carry on and put it out of my head.

Fortunately for the most part I have been able to carry on loving him and receive love?? from him. There are times when I get pangs of disbelief that he did what he did.

Today I discovered that he had been out to dinner with his colleague (female) he didn't tell me about this, the evening in question I couldn't get a hold of him and he lied to me about where he had been.

I again confronted him about this and asked him what was going on. He admitted that he lied to me and the reason being that I would not have been happy about this. I explained that lies do not make me happy, the truth is the truth and I can work with it whether I like it or not as I can make informed decisions. He has repeatedly said that he has never cheated on me, never been affectionate towards another woman in the time we have been together.

His male colleagues whom he discusses seem to be aware that he has a partner but this particular colleague and one other do not know, he said it's never come up. I know this must be nonsense, building friendships and spending time surly it should come up? Plus he seemed to know that she is single!

I am sorry to say that I contacted both women, one stated that they are just work colleagues and she was not aware he had a partner. The other said that I need to speak to him ( I agree, I just wanted to know the truth). The one who told me to speak to him is the one he went for dinner with.

I am not an unreasonable person, I don't see an issue with him having friends male or female, I do have an issue with him not being honest with me.

What do I want? I have no idea at the moment. Are you able to give me some advice please. I feel really awful at the moment so please be gentle if you can.

Please excuse any grammatical errors.

How do I post please on the relationship board?

It does sound a bit dodgy tbh. How old are you both?

I'm in my 30's, he is in his 50's.

What is your instinct telling you? He needs to be honest. Did he say why he was out with this woman?

I don't call this 'treating you amazingly ' to be honest. I call it dishonesty and taking the piss.

He told me he went to dinner with him when I showed him the receipt.

Desmondo- I think that is a fair point, his behaviour towards me is great, but obviously not so much if he's not being honest with me.

He said he was out for something to eat. I'm not so sure what my instincts are telling me, perhaps I am being stupid but I don't think he has done anything with her, at least not yet. He has ED so perhaps won't rush into anything as it could be a big let down.

He sounds dodgy and awful. He's a liar and it's bad enough you've ended up phoning women you suspect he's having affairs with ffs! Why are you wasting your time here?

Doesn't the ED affect your sex life with him?

Look, there is no trust because he has made it that way, he's not trustworthy, so essentially there's no real relationship here; I don't think he's going to stop OP, he'll just hide it better, you deserve a hell of a lot more than that don't you think?

Yes it does affect our sex life. I know it's terrible that I contacted those women, I regret that. I think I'm wasting my time because I love him. That's probably not good enough I know.

OP, no offence but you sound like his mother or a partner that has to police his behaviour, you must know that's all shades wrong; don't give him that bloody high credit; he must think he's god's gift.

I think I deserve to be treated the way I treat him, so it should be a good relationship if it were the case on both sides. I feel so rubbish at the moment, my energy feels zapped, I'm even typing slowly.

Thanks Adora, I hope I've never behaved like his mother or like I'm policing him. His confidence has definitely improved and that's been good for him, he probably does think he's gods gift!

Stop wasting your time with this pathetic shirt-chaser. Why are you ignoring your instincts? You KNOW something is not right with this man. Don't waste your youth on a man you can't trust.

Thank you Aquamarine. You are right that I should not be wasting my time with him. I should have listened to his ex wife when she told me that I was far too good for him!

There have been some things which have been making me feel uncomfortable of late, he's been wanting me to "get him off" with talk of my previous relationships in the bedroom. I don't mind so much making up a story but he has also wanted to see pictures of said scenarios, seems to struggle sexually without.

That's just fucking grim. Tell this perverted geezer to fuck off. You can do SO much better. End it right this minute.

I feel really bad for you. I'm literally going through a similar situation. Although we had been on a break but still trust is broken.

I think it's horrible, like you, when you feel things are amazing and that he's treating you well. Then you find this awful information out. It completely leaves you in a state of denial and confusion.

I think the fact he said "it didn't come up" I find odd. Although I worked with predominantly males before and honestly only a few spoke about their wives. I remember one never mentioned his wife and it wasn't until he added me on facebook I saw he had a wife and two kids. I remember thinking...creep!

That line where that woman said "you should speak to him" that infuriates me. I had the same situation and I ended up having to say to the woman oh I have spoke to him and he denied your existence. Then she opened up and told me they had met. These women just think we are psychos, obviously we wouldnt need to contact them if our men were being honest.
I get that it isn't the womans fault but that line just riles me as im still very raw from a trust break too.

Thank you Aquamarine.

Sorry to hear that you are going through a similar situation Glamourface. It is a horrible feeling indeed. I'm sure that had I received a call I'd just tell the truth.

He has sent messages apologising but I suppose it's because I found something out. I don't understand why he felt the need to lie if it was just an innocent meal, that would not alarm me. Even seeing the receipt, I asked who he went with and he said it was her. After checking the date it was evident that he had lied about his whereabouts that particular day. He also told me he accompanied her shopping last week.

I've been so foolish, I've traveled to his place of work a fair few times, I've never felt hidden away or anything like that, he holds my hand etc and I've met some of his colleagues.