How do I handle this?

[TwoMummyPigs]

Last night my GF went to bed whilst i did the dishwasher, tidied the kitchen and put washing in for today. Mostly her clothes.

I came upstairs and told her that I would put them in the dryer early and would set an alarm for 6.30am.

The alarm didn't go off so she woke me up at 6.30 to put the stuff in the dryer. I said i was tired and didn't want to. Could she do it as she was wide awake, sat up, playing on her phone. She said we could do it together and tried to get me out of bed. I questioned why she couldn't just do it alone? I do things like tidy up by myself, why can't she ever just do things independently?

She stormed off and stayed down downstairs and I texted her to apologise and she replied 'I just need some time alone'

She has BPD and I know this affects her but its hard to grasp the fact that an argument blows up over this stuff.

She is really good in other ways. Great with my kids and I love her to pieces. i just don't know how to approach resolving things like this.

She woke you up to put washing in the dryer, even though she was awake?

Not on

She's bloody lazy

Or controlling. It's the sort of thing my 8 year old does

Sorry what's BPD?

Bipolar. And its all too often used as an excuse.

Borderline, usually

She's very unreasonable op.

Can you live like this?

Concerning behaviour - you've not done what she (unreasonably) wanted, so she's gone in a mood and is 'punishing' you for it so that next time you think twice to avoid the argument.

Is she pro active in managing her BPD?

BPD isn't bipolar, it's similar but a constant rather than episodic illness. (my DP suffers from BPD)
It's difficult to live with someone who suffers, but not impossible. I find setting clear boundaries before an incident helps and if you're not sure what you are dealing with, the NHS and mind.org.uk websites offer some really good explanations and advice.

Thankyou ICanHas, she has done therapy in relation to controlling her BPD before we got together. She is under our local MH team but they are very slow and don't respond much. She has had the crisis team out a few times but we havent even got a confirmation letter regarding therapy yet. They say she needs trauma counselling to tackle the things that happened to her as a child that caused her BPD.

We have only lived together for 3 months so it is all very new.

BPD is really hard. I know that I am an utter nightmare to live with. I don't really know what to say other than to really think deep about how much you love her and if she's worth the troubles that will definitely come. BPD has its upsides too :) you will never have felt love like it.

Please be firmer op. Tell her that the hw needs to be shared and to expect you to get to it when she says so is very unreasonable! I'm not encouraging game playing , I just think you need to have a proper chat with her about who does what around the house. It'll help you begin to set some healthy boundaries within your relationship.

Secondly living with someone with bpd must be very wearing , you need some reassurance from her that she's willing to work at considering your feelings more. Otherwise your relationship could be in trouble very soon indeed!

Good luck.

Suzu she is worth it. 100%. She is amazing in many ways and I have no inclination to end the relationship. Not even a tiny bit. I love her. I just need to learn how to deal with this.

Awesome :) good luck! It will be tough but worth it. Try looking at NIMH online. It has a section on how to manage living with borderlines.