The things we learn with a benefit of counselling

[thenewstateswoman]

My husband informed me on Saturday that he wasn't happy and didn't want to be with me any longer - I've been undergoing psychotherapy treatment for a difficult year and had a regular appointment tonight. Suddenly the scales have fallen from my eyes.

He has not been kind to me.
He has not been engaged in family life.
He doesn't listen to me.
His parents are nightmares with no boundaries.

I'm ready to quit my marriage. I deserve so much better than this. My daughter needs a good role model and I'm going to be it.

I'm posting to give myself some words of encouragement. Five years of marriage have passed but I feel like I just woke up.

Good luck with the next phase of your life - which you will be entering with (more) wisdom, experience and (it sounds like) a stronger heart.

You have years ahead of you and it sounds as though you are on the way to walking into those years open to the good things they will bring.

You do deserve better. Knowing that is really, really important and will help you recognise and accept the good things that will come your way.

Well done, OP. You sound very strong. When my husband told me he wanted to leave I was in shock for months! It sounds like your counselling has been very helpful and you have managed to fast forward a lot of the bad bits.

FWIW, as horrendous as the first few months after he left were, I would love to be able to go back to them knowing what I know now. It would be such an amazing and exciting time . The reason for this is because his leaving was absolutely the right decision and today my life is unrecognisable from what it was and wonderful. The thought of staying married is frightening and depressing now. I say this as someone who really likes my XH as a person and remains very amicable with him.

Beware, though. When you show this strength he may suddenly have a change of heart.

Thank you. I feel strong. I'm sure I'll have wobbles but right now I feel strong. I'm posting to remind myself when the wobbles and the shit comes along which I'm sure it will do!

It sounds like you worked really hard with your counsellor. Well done and enjoy the new and exciting times ahead.

well done. You are mightier than you think

Well done. I too remember that moment of revelation after counselling (undertaken because I was convinced that his cheating was all my fault for being undesirable) when I suddenly thought - (i) actually he has never been kind to me even once, only were critical, (ii) I can only ever be me and trying to be a different person altogether to please him is never going to work long term (iii) he is so not worth all this pain.

Whatever has happened since those core truths have never disappeared and life is so much better without him. Good luck to you OP, I'm sure you will look back on this as the first step to a better life.

It was big words. Having a huge wobble this morning. Don't get me wrong I still don't want to be married but it's just overwhelming. He won't leave our house. If he says one more time how hard this us for him I will not be responsible for my actions!

He sounds like a total cunt
Not a lot to add apart from that. Other people will probably have wiser words for you

We have decided to try living separately in the same house until early next year. Then he will move out and we will sell up or remortgage when our deal is up in 2021. We've just finished a full on renovation abc put the bloody photos up on the walls. I can bite my tongue for a few months I'm sure. Planning to fuck off somewhere hot for Christmas!