Narccis/sociopath....love bombing...I'm confused here

[Lipsy21]

Hi everyone, following on from my last post re possible socio partner.
I came across an article stating common things these people will say to you..
I can’t believe I’ve finally found you.
I’ve never felt so comfortable in someone’s company before.
No one understands me like you do.
You’re the most beautiful woman/man I’ve ever seen.
You have the most attractive (eyes, hair, body shape, smile, dimples).
My Ex was a psycho, drug addict, alcoholic, schizoid, cheater, etc.
You’re the best partner I’ve ever had.
I think I love you. I think I want to marry you.

My bf has said a lot of this from the start and still continues to.

What's strange is, ALL three of my long term relationships the men all said these things to me. I said these things back to them too as I genuinely felt it. These two before the current, were very "normal" men. We just grew up and grew apart.

I find this very difficult because I don't consider those statements to be bad or damaging if they're said sincerely.
My friend told me her husband had never told her she is beautiful.....ever, when I had said my current partner compliments me a lot. She just said yeah hes never really said it. I was shocked.

Anyway, at what point is it wrong for men to be saying this? I always grew up with my parents complimenting each other too.

I don't think they are bad it damaging either. I guess the difference is really the length of the relationship and the intensity of it at an early stage.

Generally if someone is saying I love you, I want to be with you forever etc at an early stage, it can mean issues will arise. Not all the time of course, but it's an indicator.

There's no defining rule on when people should say that.
You'll only get opinions here & they'll all differ.
The stats on the amount of relationships that go tits up though because people confuse lust & love in the first year, would be interesting.
I'd never say it first anyway.

That's exactly what makes sociopaths notoriously difficult to spot

The only difference is the presence or absence of sincerity.

Sociopaths/NPD people are renowned as Oscar-worthy actors and acting with fake integrity is a breeze. They mimic what they see and hear others do and romantic lines they hear in TV/films to manipulate and blend in seamlessly with the rest of society. In this way they can plot and scheme without arousing suspicion of their hidden, selfish motives and lack of conscience.

Apart from doing the Freedom Programme to help you spot red flags early, the biggest indicator of a dangerous personality is the response they invoke in your subconscious: a sense of unease when they are around, odd/unusual words and deeds in a given circumstance, your intuition, your dreams. Trust your instincts - they are there to protect you.

Maybe your friend's DH shows her he thinks she's beautiful instead of telling her. You will have come to learn that words and compliments are cheap; it's deeds that really count.

invoke generate

It's about context, if all other behaviour is normal it's totally fine!! Most people are a bit crazy in love at the beginning

If it's not sincere or becomes controlling that's where the problem is

It's definitely about sincerity, with the guy who love bombed me my instincts were sending alarm bells from the start, enough so that for the first few months I was like "offs do you think I'm daft". I wrote him off as a weirdo, but slowly and surely he got under my skin.

I think you know when someone is at least genuine in their intentions, if not a little misguided/carried away/jumping the gun. Rather than calculating and malicious. Your gut knows, listen to it, unlike me

Actions VS words. In a loving relationship where it is backed by true emotion, reliability and a connection which has taken time to build, then I would say it is perfectly normal.

When it is not is when the relationship is fast forwarded, the actions don't match the words and a lot of future faking along with love bombing goes on, usually in order to mask any red flags you'd otherwise spot. Essentially tactics used to create a false sense of emotional connection and intimacy in order to get what is wanted in the present, usually before showing their true colours / dropping as quickly as they swept you off your feet. It is very intense and usually feels 'too good to be true'. Often adopted by narcs / sociopaths, but also sometimes partly by well intentioned but misdirected hope by an emotionally unavailable type.

Have a look at baggage reclaim it you want a nosy at it all - it sums all those terms up perfectly!

I have experienced both and now know the different between them... The second bloody sucks, but lesson learned!

For me it's all about how early people say it. My dp is hugely complimentary and lovely in his words. But he wasn't like that while we were still getting to know each other. It took a really long time.

I can remember the first time he told me he thought me beautiful, we had known each other for almost a year by then.

But if he'd said it within the first few months, I'd have known it was a really superficial sort of compliment (really about outer beauty, not the full-person version of beauty that you can only see when you know someone well) and that it didn't signify anything. In other words, very much with a pinch of salt.

Ditto marriage talk. They don't know you at a few months in, how can they talk marriage? I'd assume the person was either infatuated with a really shallow version of me, or they had a hugely immature understanding of what marriage means (I've been married so I'm not impressed by people who throw the word around tbh), or they were trying to lull me into a false sense of security for their own purposes. Red flag city tbh.

And the whole "you're the best partner I've ever had" thing, of course we say that to each other - but - like - it took AT LEAST 18 months before we'd even tentatively whisper that sort of thing.

Because again, you don't even know a person really, until you're 1-2 years in minimum. That sort of compliment is meaningless at best (manipulative at worst) within the first year of a relationship (IMO)

Talk is so cheap. The more they talk it up, especially within the first year, the less I listen tbh. Actions are everything. Words are only sweet when they follow many months or years of consistent, loving actions.

Of course these are NOT bad things to say. How bizarre that you would think so. You are massively over analysing. Stop it!