My friend of many years has totally changed recently. She has been unhappy in her marriage for around 5 years and her family's mental health is now suffering as a result. A lot of this she blames on her husband but I know what she is also culpable, both are unfaithful and it is dead in the water. I suspect she doesn't leave because it's too daunting and he is extremely generous financially.
Since around June last year she has become an entirely different person. Whenever I see her she tells me the same stories about her husbands mistreatment of her, and this dominates he conversation every single time we have met up. This was fine before, I was happy to listen and gently try and encourage her to take some positive action for the sake of her and her family's mental health. But I have had quite a stressful year and yet still she now either can't meet up because she is busy with her squeeze and when she does see me, she still dominates the time without asking me how I am at all. She barely acknowledged my surprise pregnancy at Christmas (I was quite fr along when I found out), I have had a huge family bereavement this year that rocked us all, and my husband lost his job. She never asked about that at all.
Anyway this week I texted her about a holiday I've booked. For us this is quite a thing as we don't go away often. She didn't really say anything that I would expect a friend to say like "oh that's great after the year you've had" or "have a great time". She complained that she never gets to enjoy her holidays (3+ a year, abroad, paid for entirely by husband, she doesn't work) and that her parents never offer to help her so she doesn't get any time to herself (she goes out 2x a month for dinner with family or with friends) and how that's really hard for her etc. That was it. I haven't replied because I didn't know what to say.
Obviously I have a baby so can't go drinking so I am not a priority in her life at the moment and that's fine, I understand that long term friendships go through phases etc but as neither of us work, we could meet up for lunch etc. But she is always busy and when we do I get nothing from the meeting. I feel like I have been there just to say yes or mmm in the right gaps in her conversation. I really have tried to tell her that she seems different lately but she takes this as a compliment and says that she's feeling enriched by the new people in her life i.e. new man.
Help me mumsnet, I really don't want to lose this friendship but I don't know how to voice all this without her brushing it off like she has done before? I don't want it to seem like I am being insensitive about her marriage problems but I really have stressed (non judgementally) to her that the children need to come first and that both adults need to stop playing games. It all falls on deaf ears. As her response about the holiday shows, she makes everything about her lately. It's sad, she wasn't always like this and has been a good friend to me in previous years. Do I just say nothing and wait for the inevitable fall out or have it out with her?