How do you get the love back?

[sparklediamonds]

Before children, DH was the only person in the world who I felt sure loved me.

Now - I feel as if he doesn't and sometimes I feel the feeling is mutual. The whole backstory is too long and dull to get into here but having children changed our whole dynamics. We bicker a lot. There's resentment on both sides. When I first met him I was pretty young and malleable in many ways; almost two decades later and I'm obviously not the same ingenuous school leaver I was then! In many ways I feel like meeting him delayed my maturity in some ways because in order to stay as the girl he fell in love with I had to stay 'young' - yet obviously you can't do that with children in the picture.

I suppose I am just desperately hoping it has not run its course. As I can't leave him.

In my opinion you need to talk. Set aside some time every week, without fail. We use Monday nights. If a crisis arises then move it to the next night. Talk about how you feel, tell him you need an honesty session. Explain how you feel, do not accuse, let him give you his view, do not judge. Men are not mind readers. Try to start again, go on dates, tell him you want flowers, not as a regular weekly thing, but just so you know he is thinking of you. Talk. Tell him where you feel he could improve, let him tell you the same. Try to be better for each other. Do things you both enjoyed when you were happier. Have another night of the week set aside for your own time, if you have a hobby, or if he has one, spend some time apart, even in the same house. Do different things. We are creatures of habit. Break the bad ones, watching TV for hours. Go for walks and talk some more. Explore each other, mentally and physically. I found that my wife and I were drifting apart. I did these things, it helped, it worked. Total honesty, not saying what I want to hear, not hurtful, but honest. Use ' I feel this' not you are doing this and that wrong. He may listen. You may learn a great deal about each other. Good luck.