Are lack of compliments indicative of lack of interest?

[ScouseBird8364]

Just that, really? Are any of your dp's just not very forthcoming with compliments?

I tell mine he is gorgeous but all I ever get in return is "you're not so bad yourself"

My DH and I are more likely to take the piss than compliment each other. I hope it's not indicative of lack of interest since we've been together 15 years! We're just not gushy people.

I tell my DW she's good for her age.

Never had many compliments from DH, but I have no doubt that he loves me totally. Not sure how we got married either, there was no proposal.

If I wear something navy I get compliments because he reckons it goes so well with my red hair (fashionista eh) other than that we just take the piss really. After 8 years I think that is probably more endearing than any compliments, which are usually met with 'whatever you want, you're not getting it' from me

I think compliments are really important...not just on appearance but in all aspects of life. I feel it shows that you're noticing and appreciating each other's efforts or talents. In general compliments make someone feel good, it boosts them and it's FREE so I never understand why someone wouldn't!

People are different in the way they express themselves and how they interact.

I don't do compliments. Never have, and also never expect or care if I get them myself.
I don't take it as a sign of anything. Neither do I express my feelings through commenting on clothes, etc.
I am more factual in communication, so maybe if there is a new sweater, I might mention it. Or if something is very different in some way.

I'd not hold it against your partner. He is not you - and clearly doesn't have the same need for re-conformation of attraction/love through compliments. And he won't even understand why you get upset.

You can train him a bit - w/o pushing him again the wall and making him defensive for not doing it. Just ask him - do you like my hair/dress/whatever.....
Keep doing it. Keep telling him you want him to like it - when you put an effort in, tell him it's important to you.
He may, eventually get used to doing it.

I'd rather someone tell me once per month & for them to mean, rather than every day out of habit. Compliments & talk are cheap I think. Actions are the true measure of interest

I agree with the the naze above. There is nothing worse than a 'false or stilted compliment'. That said hearing someone express genuine appreciation for something you have done, achieved, or just for being you can be nice occasionally.

Been with DP 13 years. I think he has told me I look nice twice in that time. It means I remember those 2 compliments with fondness! Have to say, I don't really care. Plenty of my friends tell me I look nice, I can see for myself if I look ok or not, and I just assume he doesn't mind the way I look or he would have dumped me by now - although 3 kids down the line that could be trickier... !

It depends - my XH never paid me any compliments and it wore me down. He wasn't affectionate either, though. I think I could have managed without if he showed me he loved me in other ways.

Is it just a lack of compliments that's bothering you or are there other things about the relationship you feel are lacking?

A forced compliment would make me sad.

Mind you if a bf said to me ''you're good for your age'' then I would really be turned off. Presumably partner a similar age, so ''you're good for your age'' would show delusion about ageing himself and entitlement to a younger girlfriend, like, he was doing a favour settling for a woman looking good for her age. Luckily I've never heard this ''compliment''

It depends maybe on if that is the norm for your relationship and that has suddenly completely changed. For us, no, we don't compliment each other, like I would never say, oh, you look really handsome today. Or he wouldn't say, I love your hair like that. Er, just seems weird and not our personalities. It matters much more to us that we do things to show our appreciation to each other (like helping with dinner or going out of our way to pick something up at the shop that the other needed) and that we say thank you to each other and seem grateful. In fact, I'd be a bit weirded out by someone always complimenting me as I think it would be focused on superficial things I don't really care about (appearance, clothes, etc.). My husband knows me well enough to know that sort of stuff doesn't matter all that much and the same with me for him.

OlderGolder Agree -- "you're good for your age" is disgusting. I hope that was a joke.

To the OP, yes I think compliments are really important and I think they keep you close and the romance alive. I've never known anyone to not give compliments to their spouse unless the romance wasnt there. My parents were married for 50 years and my Dad always told my mum how lovely she looked and complimented her sense of humour, cooking and her talents and skills. And vice versa.

Of course it's a joke!

My DH never compliments me. I do get the odd 'hmm, sexy laydee' comment if I'm dressed up to go out, which is hardly the most flattering thing I've ever heard. He didn't even tell me I looked nice on our wedding day. Fortunately I had a mirror, so could see that for myself .

However, he is loving, affectionate, a great dad and tolerates all of my faults, so it really, really doesn't bother me.

He also never ever tells me he loves me, but I guess that's a different thread...

nelson I thought it was fairly obvious it was a joke!!

I really hate compliments. I actually actively want to avoid compliments about my appearance.

When I did the love languages quiz 'words of affirmation' came out bottom with only 3 and I know which questions it was because I did choose being told I am appreciated. Words of affirmation feel vacuous to me, I don't like being complimented. I came out very biased towards acts of service so I feel loved when people help take the weight of responsibility off me if I'm struggling or bring me medicine if I'm ill.

This may well be down to a mismatch between your mutual communication of your love. So you may be conscious of giving him compliments because it is what you need to feel loved and he may not be returning this because he's trying to show you you are loved using the way he feels loved.

My DP isn't overly free with the compliments these days but when we first met he was full of it.

Those who's partners have never complimented them, how did you get to snogging /shagging acquaintance without saying nice things to each other? I'm picturing odd, silent first time sex etc.

I think there's something in that 'love languages' theory - I am very high scoring on physical affection and my best relationships have been with physically affectionate men. I think talk is cheap in some ways, anyone can say 'you're beautiful', but a thoughtful comment about something that makes YOU special means the world, if memory serves!
Is it maybe that OP? You're someone who really thrives on compliments and he's more of a physical/doing stuff for you kind of person?
I know someone whose wife would struggle to compliment her if their lives depended on it, but she is very kind and thoughtful so they tick along just fine.

MorrisZapp I'm of the mind that sex ain't the time for a chat!

Thank you MsVestibule. In fact my wife is ten years younger.