My husband has still done nothing about starting divorce proceedings

[EasyToEatTiger]

He has been bullying me and harrassing me for the marriage certificate and for my solicitor's details. Usually right at the end of the beginning of the weekend or at the start of the week when I'm leaving the house. Had he spoken to his solicitor he would know that he could get another marriage certificate online. He would also know, had he spoken to his solicitor that mine had been in touch with him. Nothing. Zilch. He is an abusive toe-rag. This much is true.

Why don't you file the papers rather than wait for him to get his arse into gear?

He is an abusive bully and it may not be safe. The police are involved and I can't afford to make it more dangerous for myself or the children or the other family members.

Can't you get in place non-molestation order or something with your own solicitor? If there's domestic violence and police involvement, surely you have evidence to support the need for this?

The police are being sooooooo slow. Already it has been over 6 weeks since I was asked to make a video statement. The cuts to services are affecting me. It really is as though it's a pretend service. The words are there but the people aren't.

I sympathise with you so so much. I've had so much going on over the last couple of years and services failing virtually every single time.

Two things that actually helped.

1. Reading up on what various services were supposed to be doing and phoning and phoning them quoting various guidance/legislation until they did what they were meant to do.

1. Seeing a psychiatrist. He told me I wasn't crazy, that there was nothing wrong with me.

Offred, my sympathies to you too. You've been through hell and high water. I'm finding out what the various services are supposed to do, and I am chasing them up. I really don't mind being told again to chase these people up. The closest I have come to a mental health professional was in the custody unit when I was seen by the mental health nurse. She diagnosed me as pretty normal. I have seen a great many psychiatrists over the years because I have been very ill indeed. At the moment I am drugged up to the eyeballs. This is because of the abuse.

He prevents me from being a parent to my children.

I literally phoned social care every single day, sometimes several times a day for two weeks to get them to listen.

What do womens aid say about the safety of you initiating a divorce?

I have an IDVA but no one specifically other from WA. It has been the problem of living on the edge of 2 counties. Today I called and called the social worker but there was a problem with the number. I have been in touch again and again with my IDVA woman and with the police sargeant and with my solicitor. My husband has been threatening me with the civil courts and letting me know unequivically that they will know what an awful person I am. I have agreed with my solicitor that it would be better to have made my statement and for the police to become involved, in an ideal world, before I initiate a divorce.It would be safer. So I tread on glass. Carefully.

Then it is the police you need to be chasing really.

I am chasing the police. I have been in touch with the particular police officer, I have been in touch with my IDVA, I am trying to contact SS. I have had masses of problems getting in touch with WA for support (being between counties but may have made progress today). I have also told my MP what's going on. I don't believe for a moment that I am alone.

Ah that's good. There was a while where I just felt utterly hopeless about everything and it was just one blow after another and failure after failure and I OD'd but very shortly after that things just all fell into place and started to get better. I hope that for you it is similar and this is the storm before the calm.

I really appreciate your comments Offred. Thank you! It's been a shit summer. Awful. Just awful. My family knows a bit of what's going on, but I can't say much to immediate family as it's Dysfunction Central. My own upbringing was awful. I never anticipated this though. Red flags were flying from the start; the way he spoke about his mother and his then wife, the way he treated me sexually...the way he was with money. Duh.... And now he won't let me go unless it's on his terms. He still eats the food I prepare which I find strange. I fear I have lost weight.

The social worker has told me to chase the police again too. I have spoken to the station and written again to the PC. I am afraid of asking and asking again and again because it often gets nothing done. I am working on making things happen. So far I have failed.