Please help me... following on from my most recent thread. I think DH is going to leave today . How do I come with these immediate feelings?!

[Grimsfairyfanny]

I suggested counselling, he says we are past that... ' whatever he does I won't be happy. '

Due to a few cryptic messages throughout today I think he's coming home later to tell me about his plan to leave. I feel desperate, very nervous and I'm panicking. Is this actually the right thing or not?!

I was prepared to do counselling to save us. I wanted to. I don't want to be alone with my children. I'm really panicking here.

How do I cope with his initial point of seperation?!

Sorry misspelled title, mean how do I cope

If he wants to go and his mind is made up, there is nothing you can do to change it. Act with dignity and strength. Make sure you get what you need practically (financially etc) and move on. Yes it will be hard but you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, not fighting to keep someone who doesn't. Good luck, you will be fine!

I feel like I'm going to be apt to lose my dignity and start panicking begging him to work it out etc later even though I was the one on my thread the other day saying its over and I can never get my head around the numerous things he's done that are unacceptable. I do deserve more but somehow now it's becoming real I don't want to go down this road!!!!

That's because change is terrifying. A bit like Stockholm syndrome, he treats you badly but the thought of the big wide world is more terrifying than staying put. It is wonderful to be away from a crap partner and even better to be with a fantastic one! Both are options for you now. Embrace and enjoy and in 6 months come back and update how great things are

He's still insistent he's done nothing major wrong and hence why he's leaving because he won't ever be good enough for me. God life is so hard sometimes. I never wanted this to be my life

You sound like you're gripped by panic right now. Try and get through today, don't say anything at all. Just listen. Dont challenge, let it happen. Then later you can start to process it and then worry about the finer points. Do not agree to anything today. Just listen. Be a swan. Calm on the surface even if you're paddling like a loon underneath just to stay afloat.

Oh and don't argue. You won't change his mind by arguing against anything he says that he believes is right even if its complete bollocks. Be that strong person that you will look back on with pride in the future, however this ultimately pans out.

Let go. Let him go. Be calm.

Being a single parent is way easier than being in shit relationship that fucks with your mental health (and potentially that of your kids) I'm a single parent and honestly when people say "I don't want my kid to come from a broken home" is frankly ridiculous (and a bloody insult) when the alternative is being in a home with a dysfunctional and disrespectful marriage.

Don't be scared of being alone. Getting comfortable with being on your own again is a great gift honestly.

If he can't see what he's done wrong, You have no chance really.

I just really don't want to cry, I want to look strong

You are feeling like this because this whole thing is geared around punishing you.

The truth is that he feels entitled to behave this way, he is now punishing you for expressing displeasure at his behaviour.

This means you would never be able to save this in counselling. He doesn't want to stop being king of the castle. What he wants is for you to feel panicked and scared and beg him to stay and accept his crap and STFU.

Get a jump on him. Pack a bag for him. If he says he is leaving calmly reply 'ok, I was expecting that. There is a bag already packed for you upstairs. We will obviously need to discuss things re the kids etc I will contact you at some point to discuss this'

Thanks offred that's really good advice. I did think earlier howcomebhe gets to outback me through all the shit and then here we are at the end HE is about to make the decision on our relationship. I'm getting rather nervous now

You can do this OP!!! Fuck him (not literally)!!!!

what would be more worrying is if he doesn't leave TBH.

He's knocking your confidence.

Good luck op. I remember feeling similiar

What happened op? Are you ok? Been thinking about you

Sorry for such a late reply. Yes he said he wants to move out, but temporarily. So we can have counselling and 'start again'. I actually agree, but not sure what affect it'll have, but at least I can say we had tried everything

Cherchez la femme...

:( sorry

Do you want to have counselling?

Your other thread talks about you just not being attracted to him anymore as a result of his massive weight gain and childish behaviour despite being 15 years older than you...

It doesn't really sound like joint counselling will do much and TBH even if he had individual counselling to change his childish behaviour would he be able to change enough at his age? Would you even be able to be attracted to him again now after things have got so bad?

I bet he's not left has he?

I bet he kept you on hooks all day dreading him coming back, announced he was leaving, back tracked to 'temporarily' then got in bed and went to sleep...

(And you don't need to have 'tried everything')

I suspect you have only backtracked to feeling like you want to do counselling after feeling done previously because of this childish sulk he has had.