Relationship Advice Needed wanting a womans point of view

[LondonDave]

Hi All,

This woman I'm dating since late July was supposed to be married this Friday, she ended the engagement in February. In the past week her x has been calling round to see her chatting to her trying to get her back etc.

She has told him about me etc

She's actually going on holiday for a week today with her family obviously without him which is why he went round last night to beg for her back. I asked her how she felt about things she said .

I'm going away to clear my head. When I'm with you I wanna see how things turn out with you.
When he comes then I feel like I wanna make it work with him.
Which makes me not want to be with either of you x

We normally txt a few times day i only saw her last Saturday, I really like this woman but i dont know what to do next!? so any advice would be well received!

i wouldn't want to be in the middle of that. do you?

And you're doing this to yourself because ...?

This is an alright situation if you're happy just having fun but that's not what it sounds like.

Not at all but thats the current situation!...

I guess its because i really like her and can see a future with her.

seems like she at least realises she probably shouldn't be with either of you.

Personally I wouldn't want to be in that situation, they have a lot of history and you'll always be wondering if she's wishing she chose him. Let her make the decision to be with you but without hanging around and waiting. All sounds messy though.
I would take yourself out of the equation in a nice way. Just say that you really like her but don't want to be a part of a complicated situation. You'd love to see where it goes but until she's ready to commit to you you're taking a step back.

If I had just ended a relationship in February with a man I was planning to marry, there's no way I would be ready for serious relationships by July. Really sorry OP but it sounds like you're the rebound.

She doesn't want to be with either of you. I'm guessing she's enjoying the drama of leading you both on and having you both fight over her (not actual fighting but you know what I mean). Sorry op but I'd be cutting my losses.

I'd also quit while you're ahead. Even if the ex wasn't around, I'd say she's not ready for a committed relationship yet. It's only been a few weeks. I'd cut your losses.

And next time, relax a bit. All this "seeing a future together" stuff after a month, well it's a bit much. When I was dating I found the men much more emotionally over invested too quickly. It's really off putting.

A. You've only been dating since July. You barely even know her so it is ridiculous to say you 'see a future' with her!

B. This is a drama that you have no real reason to be involved in. Are you choosing this because you are attracted to the unattainable? That is usually because of commitment issues, or maybe because drama feels like love to you? That is usually when someone has experienced abuse (maybe in childhood?).

C. She has basically told you she doesn't want to be with either of you. I would think at the very least she is not in any way intending on having 'a future' with you, if you feel that way you should break up with her before you get hurt, or she is actually breaking up with you.

i would tell her to take 3 months away from seeing you and get her head together (go No communication) and if she isnt with him and still would like to see you then to get in touch then to be honest.

This woman is in no place to be in a relationship. She can't even think straight and you're there like a fish flopping on a hook. Is that the way you want to start a relationship? She very clearly still holds a torch for her ex. Move on before you get really hurt, because I think that's exactly what will happen.

There are millions of single women who don't come with this drama. Is she worth this stress? What's so great about her that you want to go through such palava.

I think actually that it's admirable she's being honest with you about her feelings and that she saw her ex. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for both of you, but she's doing the right thing in truly telling you how she feels. If you see a future with her, I would continue to have her in your life and keep talking. I suspect she's the sort of person who would be honest with you rather than seeing her ex (in a romantic way) behind your back. It makes sense it's all blown up a bit this week with the wedding date coming and passing, and I think any healthy person would struggle with that no matter how much they cared about someone else. I would personally just give her time, but make sure it's really clear that if she chooses to go back to her ex that she's upfront with you from the start and doesn't drag you along.

She's pretty much asked you to stay dangling . Which as a woman myself I'd be pretty confident in saying she knows she doesn't really have the right feelings for you. When we know, we know. End it.

I don't think she knows what she wants. She obv likes you but may be scared to leave behind what's familiar. If she is worth it and you've nothing else to loose then maybe hang on and wait? She at least sounds like she is trying to be honest . Good luck op

Just too add, I left my fiancé in June for a man I met in April that decided to wait for me. I was scared of leaving what was familiar but am so glad I did. I've never been happier. Not saying it's the same but it's just what happened with me. There was a lot of confusion for a while but absolutely none now

Slow the fuck down. You've barely been with her a month.

You need to take some time out from this as she seems as though she has the two of you on the hook...not a comfortable place to be for anyone.

She has both of you hooked and is keeping you all available. She is a player. Do yourself a favour and stop seeing her and cut contact.