Aibu to think that my "romantic" life is over because I don't want to see anyone else naked ever - after divorce

[inadifficultsituation]

Am getting divorced. At the beginning stages as H is ignoring things for now. I don't know how long it will take or how difficult it will be but I think very long and very difficult.

It's not what I wanted but I don't think I have any choice. I am scared of how lots of things are going to pan out, and of not being able to be with my dc all the time .

All of that aside for a moment, I also don't think I will ever be with anyone else because I just can't imagine it. Despite how hugely dysfunctional my relationship with H is, he still is/looks/sounds completely familiar. I can't believe that I am trying to "get rid of" a family member.

Also, I don't ever want to see anyone else naked . Do people get over this feeling? No one's penis could be as nice as my H's (even though we have lived like flatmates who dislike each other for a long time now). Or what if you meet someone and then can't stand their body? I know that people are not their bodies - but still it must happen? Equally they could also hate my body - and probably would as far as I know.

Am very prepared for the fact that I may be single forever now in any case, and I am OK with that.

I don't have any insight into your particular situation, but I imagine these feelings may change over time. If you are ok being single forever that's all fine and good, but you don't need to worry about that one way or another just now. Focus on the present, be ok being single now.

I hope your H stops sticking his head in the sand and isn't as difficult as you fear

sorry you're going through this. i hope you have support in RL.
i think that for now focus on getting through because feelings are not permanent.
yes, lack of sex would probably be an issue in finding a partner however, you may not feel this way a year or two down the line.

and no matter how your husbands dick looks like im sure there is a similar if not better version out there.

and no matter how your husbands dick looks like im sure there is a similar if not better version out there.

It might take years to find it though and by then I will be dead .

Seriously though - I am sorry, this is totally embarrassing and probably sounds stupid. But apart from my long marriage I have little experience.

What do you do if when dating someone it turns out you really don't like them naked. Sorry, it sounds blunt and stupid but I don't know how else to put it. Obviously people are more than the sum of their parts, but I suppose that relationships must often end at the beginning stages because of physical incompatibility?

Thanks for the good wishes.

Tbf you are onky in the early stages of divorce. Just because you feel this way now, doesnt mean you always will.

You are probably just not ready to start dating/looking for a sexual relationship yet. And thats fine.

Good luck, be kind to yourself and give yourself sometime.

I felt exactly the same when I split from my exh. The thought of a male body with all the hair and sweat really turned my stomach. Fortunately I felt differently when the time came with the very first man I met (some months later.)

it just shows you're not ready yet to put yourself out there. Give yourself some time.

Equally they could also hate my body - and probably would as far as I know.
I've never hated anyone's body. Loads of hair down his back, no hair on his head, paunch, bumps and lumps, scars, dripping with sweat ... never hated any of it or even found it unpleasant. Obviously you preselect so aren't likely to see someone naked that really is not a body shape you are keen on, but otherwise part of the pleasure is getting to know the shape of their back, the curve of their legs, the funny way they walk, the twist in their smile. You discover that that way of walking, that shape, that twist, is actually, funnily enough, your favourite one. The more you like the person, the more you like their body.

Tbh the sight of my ex's body is slightly revolting to me now, if anything, just because I still find what he did pretty revolting. Even though he's all fit and trim and groomed for his gf, and is rationally speaking far better looking than my current balding bf with his terrible teeth . But thinking of my ex's body that way would be a bit like thinking how sexy my dad is! ugh.

Maybe you are not feeling very positive about your body now, and are projecting a tiny bit?

I wouldn't even think about it for now. You're nowhere near ready to start dating, you're only at the start of your divorce. Just concentrate on completing the procedure, and healing, and at some point in the future your feelings are likely to change. You're worried about running through new lands when you've barely begun building the ship to go there.

It's normal to feel this, you aren't ready for another relationship right now. You will feel different in time IME.

Thanks for your messages. No I know that it is way too soon to start thinking about this and in any case I am more than fine with being by myself (also am in my late 40s so maybe it's too late?).

I guess it's a kind of grief .

You're not the only one in your late 40s . I'm 48 and enjoying the dating scene after a shitty end to my 20-year marriage. There are LOADS of us out there.

It will get better. For me it was a good time to get some therapy and work on some esteem issues that dated back a good bit longer. I feel a lot better for it. These things are a shock to the system, but the shake-up can end up positive in many ways.

When you leave a relationship it is like a grieving process and it takes time. Today the loss seems overwhelming for you. And things will change little by little. For now it is not obviously time to think about a new penis

Hey. Feel exactly the same way. Was 19 when I got together with my husband and he is the only one I had that kind of experience with. When I was with him I didn't see the middle aged version of him- he stayed the same in my eyes. Everyone else looks middle aged and not in a Brad Pitt kind of way- and I'm no Angelina Jolie.
Seriously can't imagine ever going there and I'm not sure if that makes me sad or not?