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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

IL's dilemma causing a few problems.

9 replies

saltire · 03/04/2007 10:26

We are going to my mums on friday until Tuesday. I suggested to DH that we drive the 48 miles up the road from my mums on the Saturday and go and visit his family - MIl and step PIL and PIL and step MIL. He agreed this would be a good idea, in his words "just becuase they never visit us, doesn't mean we shouldn't visit them". TBH if it was up to me we wouldn't go at all, but i thought it would save much huffing and puffing if i suggested it first.

Anyway, MIL and step PIL are both wroking till 1pm, but PIL is working till 6pm. Step MIL says on the phone last night "can't you come up on the Sunday instead because PIL is off every Sunday". I said no, my mum had made plans for the Sunday. Step MIL then said "but you are there for 4 days, it's not as if you won't see her".
I say, yes i know but she has made plans. Still SMIL goes on "but PIL is working and he never sees the children that much".
At this point i got annoyed, and said "well PIL is off every Sunday and you manage to go and visit your sister and your neice on Sundays but can't drive 2 hours up the road to see us, so I am not changing my mums plans to suit you".

Dh has now "suggested" we ask my mum if she will change her plans so we can go and visit the ILs on Sunday,"to keep the peace". That's all he's ever bloody worried about, keeping the peace, whereas I, who finds it annoying that MIl and step PIL go and visit BIl (20 mins down from us) every other week, but not us, and PIL who is off every Sunday and goes gallivanting all round the country to see Step MIls family can't visit his own son and grandchildren, just think "well sod them".

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 03/04/2007 11:06

I would not change plans to suit SMIL. It would be rude to your mum to let her down on Easter Sunday, and as you say, if PIL wants to see the children let him arrange to do so, not ask you to break your plans at the last minute.

You were quite right to get annoyed with SMIL, she had a cheek to suggest it and even more so to persevere when you said no.

Carmenere · 03/04/2007 11:10

Er has the peace not been broken already?
Tell him he can go leaving you and the dc's at your mums

Lizzylou · 03/04/2007 11:11

Agree totally with you and with Elasticwoman, you made the first move and swallowed your pride and made a bloody effort to arrange to see them, they should be more accommodating imo.

saltire · 03/04/2007 11:19

Dh seems to have some obsession with keeping his parents and step parents happy. At New year we almost came to blows over his F*kin dad. He wanted us to go to his New Years day "party". I didn't want to go for several reasons:
I had never spent New Year with my mum since we got married
DH and his dad go to the pub on New Years Day and i'm expected to keep the Ds happy, away from the food, not put tv on for them, not let them sit down, and help SMIL with the food, while DH and PIL are away for 4 hours, come home half cut an then PIL "lords" it over everyone taking all the credit for his party
It's not a party, it's a group of their friends who sit around watching fottie on TV!
However becuas ehis dad went in a huff and threattened not to have his party if we didn't go, we had to go.
They never bother coming to see us, once a year is all they manage, and only then because DH says we can't visit them

OP posts:
saltire · 04/04/2007 21:12

Well DH announced this evening whilst we were all out for a walk that we are not going to visit any of the ILs over the easter weekend. He said why should we take a day to go and visit them and have to sit and listen to them moaning!

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 04/04/2007 21:22

Hallelujah; let joy be unconfined, Saltire!

saltire · 04/04/2007 21:23

Since i posted on Tuesday I have never mentioned it again to him, so he has obviously been doing some thinking

OP posts:
DeviousDaffodil · 04/04/2007 21:25

Happy Holidays!
Iam glad to be working - Dh is taking DS's to in laws alone= result!
Stick to your guns saltire and have a great time with your Mum.

JodieG1 · 04/04/2007 21:29

I would not change plans. If they want to see the kids then they should arrange something and drive up to visit you when they're off. Why should your mum have to change her plans? Sod keeping the peace personally, just tell them how it is.

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