Help me, I'm heart sore

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I am so lonely and sad. I have 3 dc who are very demanding, a house that needs a lot if work, a full time job but limited finances and an ex who will have the dc every other weekend and no more. Which sounds like a lot I guess but I feel really trapped.

I have had quite a few relationships end because the men lost interest in me. One v recently. He came on really strong and then went distant so I had to end it. He didn't even have the respect to dump me. I feel immovable and actually how can I meet someone in my current situation anyway.

Unlovable that should have said

I'm just tired of it

It's 5 am in the UK early for many responses. Boring as it is, I think the only answer is that you just have to keep plugging away and life will change. I think maybe not concentrating on relationships with men but other things that you might fancy would be a good idea?

Oh sweetheart I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything right for you, but obviously that's not going to happen.

First, I agree with the previous post that you sound desperate and that will never find you a 'nice' guy, it may well find you a really nasty one though. it's true men can smell desperation
Secondly, you don't need a man to make you happy, please try to find other ways to enrich your life. As a bonus, a woman who seems happy and positive will attract other happy and positive people into her life.

Finally, I know it's a bit of a cliche, but love comes when you least expect it and definitely when you stop looking for it. (I could bore you with how I had completely given up on finding 'the one' when my now husband found me)

On a light finish, and please don't take this in any other way than how I intend it, get yourself to Anne Summers for some battery operated fun and give up on men for a while. I hope your job means you do get to meet people, your post could have been written by somebody I know and she changed her job and now has 2 men interested in her but she really doesn't want to commit yet so her coolness is keeping them both running rings trying to impress her.

I wish you every happiness in your future, as I said, I really had given up on relationships when my husband found me and now looking back I realise that if I hadn't gone through some real shit times ( my last fiancé hung himself because he 'forgot to tell me he still had a wife and 5 kids) but if I had not had the really bad days I would not have met my current husband as I would not have been in the town I moved to for the last guy. ( hope that last bit makes sense)

I'm not desperate. I'm choosy and I'm certainly not needy with men. I actually ended my last relationship because his behaviour wasn't good enough. I can't drop a day at work or employ someone to help due to finance. Work is a big positive in my life so I wouldn't consider that. I'm just lonely. I don't need to be told I'm desperate. Desperation is something different.

I'm sorry. " I feel unlovable " sounds desperate, I never suggested you was needy. Forget my advice, what do I know.

It might sound desperate but it was just the way I was feeling at the time. I do appreciate you taking the time to offer advice. I think it's just because it's happened so often that I feel despondent. I need to build up my confidence and the word desperate has horrible connotations.
I'm not looking for just anyone.

You sound so low, if I knew you in RL I would want to take you out for some fun, can you get a babysitter or plan a night out next children weekend? Do something silly or fun. Forget about men just have a good night/afternoon?

Have you friends that you can do child stuff with? Or a single mate to have a giggle with when the DC are in bed? Men are hard work (and they fart a lot) how about you take the pressure off yourself to date for now? Not forever but for a bit?

I think the point is that maybe you shouldn't be looking at all? Find fulfillment without a relationship.

I would like a relationship though. I enjoy being in relationships. I definitely need more friends though. I'm going to go out with my friend next week.

You're right though, I am putting pressure on myself.

When my ex and I split I was probably recovering and lonely for about 2/3years. But dating was definitely not the answer. I gave myself about 5 years of no relationships in which time I got really happy in my own company.

I think it's pretty unfair you don't get any time off in the week to pursue a hobby or sport but I hope you make the most of your free weekends. Any chance this could change and you could have some free week time?

Being happy in your own company is the best gift you can give yourself but it takes time and a little effort and some positive reinforcement (doing nice things on your own)

It does get easier honestly. I'm a single mum of 6 years and I guess for the last 2 or 3 I have been happy. It's great you love your work, a big tick x

I've been a single mum for 5 years and I think I'm sad because a short relationship has just ended. That's normal I guess though. I just find the lack of free time really hard.