Mothers and daughters-difficult relationship

[twinkerbell]

I am currently separating from my dh. My daughter (13) and I are really struggling and she seems to hate me and blame even though me, my family AND her father have told her it is not my fault.
We have had a fractious relationship for a couple of years now as I've been the disciplinarian and always been the career minded one who comes home stressed from work etc and she is a massive daddy's girl so this is really hard and I know that.
I am really struggling now, I am struggling with the magnitude of what is happening for ME as it is!.... and trying to help my daughter who won't even talk to me.

Firstly be kind to yourself. Acknowledge the hard time you are having.

Talk to your daughter about it. Young people appreciate honestly. Encourage your daughter to talk to you about what is worrying her. By modelling the behaviour of sharing your feelings you should in theory encourage her to open up. Often be reached a dead end with teens. They are often more forgiving than we think, and we in return should be forgiving of them.

Try and plan some things to do together. No pressure activities.

the difficulty is I cant tell her what her dad was doing that ended the marriage and this is one of the major issues.

You don't need to do that. Just talk about your feelings surrounding what has happened and tell her you are struggling.

Also acknowledge her feelings towards her dad and that separating doesn't change how you both feel about her.

thank you. I am trying. I think I just need to stop trying to make everything alright...because its not..... and give her some space