Annoying Arguments

[tigercub50]

I have posted before about couples having different arguing styles, which DH & I definitely have but I can go with that. We don't argue very often anymore but I do get frustrated when DH will say " I don't want an argument " - well obviously neither do I in an ideal world! I also hate it when he gets a bit sarky & says something like " Ok then, you just talk & I'll listen" when I know he has no intention of listening properly. Anyone else have frustrating " discussions"?

Try: No I don't want an argument either - that's for kids,
But I would like an adult discussion about something that's bothering me and it would be great if you could engage?

Or

Yes it would be good if indeed you did listen but you seem to just smile and nod and not address the issue im trying to raise with you

He seems like he is trying to belittle any attempt you try at speaking with him about something you need to talk about. Its a really annoying, passive way to ignore you and used to make me want to slap my ex :-)

Absolutely. Prior to meeting my OH I was all for open and transparent sharing of frustrations and quite enjoyed a 'heated' conversation. This is no more. We have completely different arguing styles ie. OH is unable to hear anything he does not like and immediately becomes defensive or begins spitting out ridiculous remarks. This infuriates me and I have in the past risen to it and 'played his game' which has ended in me feeling hideous about myself. I have now made it a focus to simply walk away, explaining why I am doing so.

I wish I had walked away in the past, as things were very different then & I would end up an emotional wreck sometimes. I do " nip things in the bud" but then there is the danger of whatever it was not being resolved. Luckily, we are able to talk about issues at other times but sometimes things need dealing with there & then & if they're not then frustration sets in.

DH definitely ticks some boxes for passive aggressive behaviour & it's hard to deal with at times

Anyone else around?

It's about finding a happy medium. How do you react if ever he raises anything?

I would say I'm pretty much always willing to listen, unless I really think he's out of order, and I am certainly never as defensive.
DH has said that I only need to say something once ( I do tend to go on a bit) but equally I feel I need to repeat myself because he hasn't "got it".