Drug addict DH. Finally tipped me over the edge

[IfYouJumpInMuddyPuddles]

My husband has struggled with demons since before we first met. To be fair if I met him now 10 years older I would have run a mile but I didn't. He is a functioning addict - so he holds down a job and can go weeks sometimes months without but then disappears and binges for whole weekends. In the past he's spent all our rent money, emptied bank accounts. He had therapy got better and I thought things were going to be ok. We had 2 kids there were blips along the way - missing his son's birthday, our wedding anniversary etc. Lately he's started the disappearing acts again and a few weeks ago I caught him taking crack in his car outside the house (It has never been this before). I lost it and kicked him out then but quickly relented giving him a month to get help and get sober - he didnt.

He disappeared Saturday morning and sloped back in around 4pm yesterday. I've told him it's over I'm not willing to keep lying to the kids about where daddy is. When he's sober he's a brilliant dad and always helps round the house.

I've realised over the years I've lost most of my friends and spend every single evening in the house. If I try to go out to visit friends the backlash is unbearable and I'm usually punished with a disappearance so somewhere along the line i just stopped trying.

I know his behaviour is not even comprehendible to most people, I know I should not be here but it's like I'm addicted to him. I am so angry but I can already feel the edges blurring.

I have told him it's over. I've told him I'm leaving but I need a few weeks to get sorted and find a new house.. how do I stay strong and follow through? I desperately want it to be over now but I know he will turn up the charm and false promises and I'll give him yet another chance to blow.

I guess I'm conditioned to make excuses for him. Thank you for all your advice, I will make an appointment with the councillors at uni for when I go back I do need some outside help to untangle myself from this but I can see I need to and I will. I think I have found a house am just waiting to hear from landlord. I've told my mum we have split up but I'm not brave enough to say why yet - though I suspect it won't be a surprise, I will I promise. My Gran has a house deposit saved up for me and mum says she will ask if I can have enough to set up alone. I've spoken to housing benefit to get that started. The student finance people won't accept a single status till I provide a decree nisi.. any ideas here? Without getting single status I won't get my childcare grant and so won't be able to afford all this.

Speak to SF again, I had to prove to them that I had split from my husband (divorce not final yet) and they have a way round it for special circs. I had to provide my new council tax bill, tenancy agreement, etc and they accepted those as proof.

Just called again and they said I have to write a letter and then they will decide what evidence I can provide. Thanks x

They can't insist on a decree nisi, surely?? That's months (if not years), down the line for many people when they first separate and how are they supposed to manage in the meantime?

And well done OP . You've taken those all important first steps. Actually, you've leapt off the starting blocks, so good for you. Do tell people though and be honest. It's NOT your fault and you will need support, not only so you can sound off to people and have them listen and advise you, but to keep you strong and focused on doing what you need to do to extricate yourself from this horrible situation.

IfYou, glad to help. Good Luck!