Will I regret not 'settling'

[eslindanunez]

I'm nearly 40 with a 1 year old dd. It was my decision to split with her dad, he very much wanted to stay together. I just came to realise that didn't feel enough for him. I'm now facing the real possibility of always being single. My age, the fact that I'm losing what looks I had and being a single mother I guess make me not a particularly attractive prospect these days.

I'm not actually devastated by the prospect of remaining single but maybe that's partly because I'm currently kept so busy with dd and work, and also because I haven't actually been single for that long yet.

Will I regret it though? Should I have stayed with a person that adored me and would have done anything for me (and who is also a great dad)?

If you had the option of settling or not, and you chose not to and have remained single, do you have any regrets?

Hell no.

I think you made the right choice. It's not fair to keep someone hanging on when you don't feel anything for them. He is now free to find a relationship where the person loves him back.

I became a single mum at 38 Left for different reasons though.

Being a single parent is way better than being in a shit relationship. I'm assuming that you are co-parenting with the ex so you'll have time to yourself.

I have no regrets and I don't have the experience you are anticipating about not being attractive as a single mum at all. I'm 45, dd is 8. I did OLD for a bit and am now in a very good relationship where we see each other 1 or 2 nights a week and have the odd trip etc but I have no intention of it being a full time relationship because I love my own independence.

Honestly, you will be fine, you'll probably love it like many of us do.

Thanks jeaux that's encouraging! And it sounds like you've found a good balance with your relationship. I'm definitely not the kind of person who wants a relationship for the sake of it, but I guess this is the first time in my life (not wanting to sound bigheaded) that I haven't felt very attractive and that's made me consider that I might always be single and if that's something I feel ok about!

I don't have the experience of being a single parent, but I completely empathise with the feeling of losing your looks when you become a sleep deprived parent and I really believe that you've done the right thing by not settling. I have so much respect for you - so many women wouldn't be brave enough to split (possibly me included). You'll be a great role model for your DD!

Losing your looks at 40? Nah. You're just freaking out!

Look around one day and you will notice that many women seem to manage to be in relationships without looking particularly physically attractive on a superficial level. Sometimes it's about a shared interest or the way someone listens or empathises or makes people laugh or any one of a hundred other reasons (luckily!)

You may very well have pangs of regret where you're out and surrounded by happy 2.4 families, especially on Sundays. Also when you're alone on xmas day because your DD is with her dad. You will almost certainly feel regret when you see what other dross is on the market when you venture into the turgid cesspit of online dating.

I'm a single parent but left an abusive relationship so I'm a bit different. Happily single.

You've done the right thing.

Thanks everyone, that's really good to hear. And by the way even though I'm mentioning my looks that doesn't mean I'm particularly looks-oriented when it comes to partners and I know looks don't count for much really! I'm just conscious of looking awful at the moment so I guess it's on my mind a bit. But yes, I think if occasional pangs of regret/loneliness is as bad as it gets, then it's fine. And it only takes a quick look through some of the threads on here to remind myself that relationships can often be a bloody nightmare. I'll stop freaking out now