Marriage over and I am trapped

[Xchangedtohideid]

I'm a total idiot. I've been with a man for 15 yrs. He's been physically violent - stepping only when I reported him to the police and emotionally and financially abusive.

I'm trapped in a loveless, sexless marriage with 2 very young dcs and I see no way out. I have no job. I have no family and no friends.

My husband and I agreed I'd give up work and look after our children. I am currently bf our youngest, just turned 5 months. Our eldest is 2.

I can not stay with this man anymore. He is threatening towards me, has tantrums and speaks to me like shit constantly- all the whilst saying I'm doing this to him. I can feel myself turning into someone I hate. I've put on loads of weight and am now officially obese. I argue with him all the time - usually trying to defend myself!

I'm stuck and can see no way out. I hate him for this and I hate myself for allowing myself to trust this person and believe we could build a life without him being a total and utter nasty bastard.

I'm regularly called a slovenly lazy c*nt , b!tch, all the names under the sun. He has now told me he wants a divorce due to my unreasonable behaviour! - he packed my bags to chuck me out of our house (minor argument) whilst pregnant with our first and then walked out on my when our youngest was 8 weeks old.

Please be kind to me because no one could make me feel worse than I already do for being in this situation with 2 young children. Help me find a way out as I feel so trapped.

Wow - do you have family you could ring and go stay with - give yourself space and time to think?

Get advice, womans refuge etc they are there to help with this type of situation.

It is not your fault at all, get out and look after yourself and children - my very best wishes

Start slowly - what can you get in order now? Is there any work you can do when you leave? What's your real life support like?

Take some relief in that the decision is made. Start organising as much as you can now. Your own bank account - paperless so no post will arrive.

Are you married? Do you work? What is the current housing situation?

Leaving with your kids and nothing has got to be better than living with him. You don't deserve it, you can build a fantastic life without him.

Phone womens aide, take a step to having that great life.

The OP has stated that she is married and has no family.

I second contacting Women's Aid but please cover your tracks and be careful.

Another one saying Woman's Aid and go to a refuge asap

Are you ok.
Woman's Aid.
You can do this

He wants a divorce? Great! It doesn't matter if he instigates it and calls your behaviour unreasonable, you will be rid of him.
You are the main carer for DC and he has been violent so it's likely that you will get to stay in the family home and he will have to go.
Please call Wonens Aid who can advise you, also check on entitledto website to see what financial help you will get
You deserve better than this, best of luck OP x

Womens' Aid, the police, IDVA should get you started with your recovery and escape. Please report your husband. His behaviour is illegal. I too have spent far too many years in a shit relationship. It is not normal behaviour.

You can do it. Call Women's Aid (but be careful--you might need to borrow a friend's phone or something like that).

You can tell your GP. It helps create the evidence trail and they may be able to refer you to other local services.

Do you have any real life friends you could talk to? Not everyone knows how to respond in the right way, but many people will surprise you with their offers of help and support.

You can do it.

CousinKrispy's idea is great. The gp will keep a record of this and will definatly know many organisations to get the help you need.
You are so brave! Braver than you know.
Just remember if he hurts you one day it could be one of your precious babies.

I can't imagine what you are feeling right now but I wish you the best of luck.
Stay strong lovely ❤

Yep - Womens Aid - 0808 2000 247
The number will not appear on phone bills.
Then CAB, see what you would be entitled to when you leave.
Benefits, tax credit, housing, maintenance etc.....
Get some local support services on side asap.
Would you be OK involving social services?
An abusive home is considered abusive to the DC.
Womens Aid can help you with most questions.
They are busy, as you can imagine, so keep trying them.