I've never posted here before-my youngest is 6 and I thought my parenting forum days were behind me but I don't know where else to turn as I'm so ashamed. I found quantities of cash going out of dhs account, and then payments to adult works. He tried to pretend it was just for porn then admitted he's several times met women for sex. He said its cos I've 'shut the door on sex' and that part of our life is dead to me. Sex is an issue in that he's always wanted more than me but I didn't realise it was this awful and tbh beyond angry that he didn't tell me things had got to the point where he was about to pay, rather than just diving in. He says to put myself in his shoes but I'm so upset with everything I can't. I should have seen this coming (no pun intended!) as he's always used porn a lot but that that, with the sex we do have albeit not that often (4 kids, full time jobs etc) that was enough. I can't bring myself to tell anyone IRL. I can't imagine being single (we've been together over 20 years!) or taking him out of the kids lives. I'm so upset, so angry, words actually fail me. I had to offload somewhere before starting to eve n think about what I want to do next.