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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband left today

43 replies

user1493841671 · 03/09/2017 17:24

Husband did something this morning that I couldn't ever forgive. I asked him to leave. He left.
3dc are upset, confused and blaming me. This will get easier right?

OP posts:

Desmondo2016 · 03/09/2017 19:46

I don't think I have ever respected a mother more.

AnyFucker · 03/09/2017 19:49

Best he goes. Your 1st priority is your ds.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2017 19:54

Awful awful day for you, I'm so sorry.

You've done the right thing.

It might take a while for you to come to terms with what's happened but you've done the right thing

Pollydonia · 03/09/2017 19:58

You have definitely done the right thing.

QueenLaBeefah · 03/09/2017 19:58

I totally get just how bloody annoying teenage boys can be (and some of them really enjoy winding their dads up) but it is completely unacceptable your DP punching him. You've done the right thing.

DarkestBeforeDawn · 03/09/2017 20:01

I think this should be reported to the police.

Minkyfluffster · 03/09/2017 20:15

OP you have had a terrible shock and handled it really well. Put your feet up tonight and have a glass of wine

Original poster

user1493841671 · 03/09/2017 20:26

He did counselling and anger management years ago. We separated for over a year about 8 or 9 years ago due to his temper, depression and treatment of me. He knew then that I wouldn't go through that again.

We got back together, got married, he got a good job, I work school hours, term time so was there for the dc. We were in a good place, the usual teenage struggles but we were managing through everything.

There's no going back from this. My dc are not growing up to think this is acceptable, to be worried every time he raises his voice.

OP posts:

ClemDanfango · 03/09/2017 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daydreamnation · 03/09/2017 20:35

Well done. What you've done gives such a powerful message to your ds and other dc. Hope you're all ok

Original poster

user1493841671 · 03/09/2017 20:35

Thank you for all the kind words and I do heard you, those who say I should report this. I took photos after he left and about an hour ago.
I have a few people to speak to tomorrow before I decide for sure.

OP posts:

ourkidmolly · 03/09/2017 21:10

Ok well if there's a history, then that's different. Good luck, you're v brave.

Movienight15 · 03/09/2017 22:12

I totally respect you for what you have done . As you said , your children must always feel safe .

I do think that teens can break a family and cause a lot of problems . They don't intend to but are not really capable of understanding that how they behave affects the whole family . I was one of those .
My parents always had underlying issues but my Father couldn't cope with my growing up and my attitude . He became angry and aggressive and their relationship broke down . It was very very hard and I felt guilty for my younger siblings who missed out on a lot of the fun stuff I got to do with both parents . My mum struggled on her own.

It's very hard for everyone involved and you have done the right thing asking him to leave . Personally I wouldn't call the police . You will then have social services monitoring your every move and analysing all your dc's. Extra stress they don't need.
Family therapy could perhaps work , even if you don't want to get back together it may just make splitting up easier on your children . Good luck

Original poster

user1493841671 · 04/09/2017 02:47

I can't sleep, my mind's whirring with things to remember, sort out, I'm imagining situations and planning what I'd do.

Husband sent a text earlier saying he was sorry and he hopes I'm managing okay. Of course I am, what other choice is there? I didn't reply though, I didn't want drawn into a conversation.

I'm so angry at him right now.

OP posts:

RoseOfSharyn · 04/09/2017 02:51

you're doing amazing. Your DC are so lucky to have a mother who puts them and their safety above all else.

MotherofA · 04/09/2017 07:36

You really are incredible.

lifeinthecountry · 04/09/2017 08:38

so sorry you're going through this OP. I had a very similar experience with my exh. It really does take away all of your choices, on every level.

I didn't report the incident to the police at the time (although I told him I had so that he wouldn't come back to the house). It all came to light a couple of years later, anyway, when there was a police investigation involving him (nothing to do with us). I realised then how important it was that I'd not let him come back home after the incident. It would have been seen as failing to protect the children and would have meant ss involvement, etc.

It's frustrating, because in that one single act he's just removed all of your options. It took me a while to get my head around that. He could never live in the house with the DC again. Even now (5 years on) I don't think he really understands the seriousness of what he did.

He also had anger counselling several times. Not really worked.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 04/09/2017 08:46

He sounds like an angry man.

You have done the right thing, anger and violence have no place in a family home.

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