Please help, I don't know what to do

[lunklitdays]

I don't post here much at all but I could really do with some guidance as I don't seem capable of organising my thoughts.
I've been with dp for 7 years, have one dd who is almost 5. I have two elder dc from a previous relationship.
We haven't been getting on well for the past few months, generally me feeling like my good nature is being taken advantage off. Being as I was a single parent for almost 10 years before I met him I am quite independent and used to doing things with the dc alone.
Dp has a paying hobby that although costs a lot to start up does yield a profit but it is a lot of work, generally if he's not at his full time job he's at his hobby. I therefore do most of the childcare, housework etc. I do only work part time 3 full days a week though so I do have extra time but I never get any time alone. This is affecting me quite badly if I'm honest and has been the reason for most of the bad feeling recently.
4 months ago I had to get a gynae problem sorted, at the check up last month I got a full round of STD checks to rule them out as a reason of why I was still having pains etc. I got the results and I have chlamydia. I had the same tests when I got pregnant with my last dd and I was clear. I haven't been with anyone else so obviously it's my partner.
I text him at work and told him what had happened and not to bother coming home as I needed some time. He did stay away but came round on Friday night to tell me that once when out dd was first born (also when he used to drink a lot, he is completely tee total now as was a horrid drunk) he had gone with a women and she gave him a blow job. Apparently he stopped then and 'ran' out her flat and felt terrible about it. He had surely 'pushed it to the back of his mind' and didn't think about it, this was said as I questioned why he told me right away the first day that he had never been with anyone, he swore on our daughters life.
I think it's all bullshit and he's come up with a reason that's not terrible (if you know what I mean) and was a long time ago, he's such a different person now than he was then.
I don't know what to do, I don't believe him but maybe I should? I've never thought he would ever cheat but I was wrong there but it's not like I have ever felt before he was lying to me.
I'm sorry this is so long and such a muddle. Really would appreciate any help. Thanks.

You can choose to believe him. And my guess is you will half believe him. But would you be able to fully trust him again?
What kind of woman did he shag to get chlamydia?
If he does that on a regular basis this of course would affect you and your health.
oh yes...and that's not all he also behave very selfishly from your description...

Even if his story is true is this something you could forgive him for?

I would assume he is minimising too, making it about oral.

I think there is a lot of in equality in your relationship and as one single mum to one who has been one you know that the alternative is much better than being in a shit relationship.

Personally I couldn't get past the explanation or the fact he sounds like a lazy asshole

Leave. Even before this you weren't getting on well. You do all the childcare anyway. Take a close look at what you are getting out of the relationship.

His blow job story is likely to be lies. Even if it's truth, you were and home with a new baby and he was getting off with a stranger.

I would ask again for the full details. Leave it an hour and ask again. Be direct with lots of eye-contact. Make it obvious that you need full disclosure and can see he is lying.

With pressure he is more likely to tell you more, but you may never know the full story. Either way, can you trust him again?

Can you get chlamydia from a blow job? I wasn't aware you could. Throw him out.

Blow job , full sex...whatever. He's given you an sti and he's broken your trust op.

I'm sorry that he's done this to you but it's now a question of working out if he can earn your respect and trust again. And also if you'll ever be happy again with him knowing that he did this while you were at home caring for a small baby and recovering from childbirth.

Thank you all so much for the quick replies, I really appreciate it.

I don't trust him because I know deep down he isn't telling me the truth. I believe he's told me this oral story as it's better as the real story (or even stories).

I know what to do but I'm scared, my elder two adore him, he earns a good wage and we don't want for anything but he is fundamentally selfish.

He wants to come around again tonight, I've told him no but he begs and begs. I'm so weary of it all. I know he loves us all but I don't think he deserves us.

Thank you again for replying

that must be a shock and a blow, poor you.
Trusting him again is far too risky.

Apparently he stopped then and 'ran' out her flat and felt terrible about it. Aye right you are then
Is this the best excuse he can up with after thinking about it for a while.

I think it's bullshit.

What kind of woman did he shag to get chlamydia? Wtf? Do you think nice girls don't catch stds?

Sorry op, but regardless of the details of his infidelity, he sat by watching you in pain and going through investigative medical appointments and didn't consider it might be something he's passed on. That's truly awful, selfish behaviour you don't display towards your partner.

What kind of woman did he shag to get chlamydia?

You do realise that the OP is now also the "kind of woman" to have chlamydia...

^^ exactly

He did not get chlamydia from a woman who only gave him a blow job....

"What kind of woman did he shag to get chlamydia " FUCK. ME

What kind of woman did he shag to get chlamydia?
I have a friend unable to have more children due to the chlamydia kindly donated by her rapist.

op it is possible to get chlamydia via oral sex. I hope you resolve this.
To be honest, it does sound like he's having a rather easy life!

You absolutely can get chlamydia through a blow job btw.

Either way OP, he has cheated on you, lied about it, and left you with a health condition which can actually be really detrimental when unchecked. Who does that to someone they love?

IfYouHappenToSee your comment to the poster about what kind of women has chlamydia proper made me laugh, because I am that kind of women now. Probably shouldn't be funny, well it isn't funny but I've found so little to laugh at these past few days.

inlecrorcumbit that's exactly what I thought, what a shite story to come up with after having 2 full days to think about it. The first text he denied it, the next day started going on about false positives then came up with the blow job one when I saw him. I've kept communication to a minimum, it's almost like I can't bare to hear what he says.

Gilead I am so dreadfully sorry for your friend, how utterly devastating either of those things happening to you.

Thank you all again, I'm reading everything. He has changed so much in the past 4 years , I don't think he would hurt me now that's why perhaps if he would only tell the truth there may be a way I can move on. As it stands I really can't.

The change is going to affect all my dc so badly. My eldest 2 are teenagers. What a bloody mess he has caused.

What kind of woman did he shag to get chlamydia? Shame on you.

lunk you've had such a massively shit thing happen to you. I don't think he's told you the whole truth and I don't think he will. It's the coward's way out; 'if I tell her I was shagging about, there's no way she'll take me back. If I tell her it was half a blow job, there's still a chance'. And even if you decide that's not on the cards, he's unlikely to want to make himself sound like a total shit.

I'd also question his claim that he'd ' pushed it to the back of his mind'. If I'd cheated on my DH and he was then diagnosed with an STI, the very first thing that would pop into my head would be the extra marital sex. I think that would be anyone's first thought. Which would mean he swore on your dd's life, knowing he was lying.

Only you can decide whether you can rebuild your relationship, but I don't think I'd be able to trust again in those circumstances, particularly as things don't sound that great at the moment anyway. 💐

lunk I'm glad you weren't upset or offended by it.

It just struck me as a horribly misogynistic and prejorative comment.

Minus the STI, you are now walking a well trodden path. There will be all the support and wisdom you need here, whatever you choose to do x

I think sn0tnose has hit the nail on the head with his excuse. It's bad, but possibly recoverable. So he doesn't lose. If there's anything I've learnt from MN and personal experience, it's that you rarely get the full story if it makes them look bad, and they blatantly lie to your face to get what they want.
The silver lining (not meaning to minimise how horrible it is) is that you have incontrovertible proof that he has cheated and lied about it, so strangely are in a better position than previously. I think you know there is only one course of action which will lead to peace of mind in the future.