Help! terrible situation ex/ school/ DC

[nearlyhellokitty]

I'm just in such a state.

I'm not based in the UK. My ex moved to a next door city this summer, and I was already thinking this would be a pain for the DC as we recently moved to week/week - a bit of a commute basically to school (likely to range between 40 mins and 1hr30 depending on whether take car/ traffic/ train).

Without telling me he put DS on the waiting list for a fabulous school near him. He claims it was a shot in a million. Anyway, the place came through the day before the first day and DS went for the first day of school on Friday and DD went back to the old school.

But bearing in mind I got told 24 hours before the first day of school and basically said no, but he still went ahead. i'm in bits.

1. Legally he literally cannot do this and if I went to court to prevent this I would win
2. He still has a place at the other school.

But. and this is a big But. the new school is literally amazing. and I feel in my gut my DS would thrive there, better than in his current place which has some issues and DS hasn't been entirely happy. He told me it was really cool and I visited it myself.

But then, he'll be going to school in a different city to me and DD. Ex claims he will sort it, he will commit to organising the pick ups etc. And I'm sure he will for maybe 1 or 2 years, but after that? He recently got married and she seems great and committed to helping with this but I'm just really afraid of my DC being educated in another city. His centre will shift. And my ex does not have form for consistency, things tend to fall apart after a while.

sorry.. so long.. i just feel really sick about this. feels like a no-win situation. either I drag DS out of the amazing school adn back to the bit rubbish school (potentially with a promise to look at other options) or logistical nightmare/ possibly thin end of the wedge for my ex having more control over my DS in another city.

he would have 4 years at the school and then apply for another one

the problem is that I have some issues with my ex. he is extremely manipulative, although generally takes care of the kids. i would be worried if he had more control

If your ex was committed to your son's welfare he would have discussed this with you from the begining. Your son is a pawn in his game to manipulate you which, brilliant school or not, does not bode well.

There will be other opportunities, and other events like this. Look at your ex's real intent - if he excludes you from discussion about the well-being of your children, he's not putting them first.

What sort of an example is your husband setting to your children by acting like this - towards you, to your DS, and to your DD?

Get legal advice and get him to have a notarised letter (or something legal) that commits him to transporting him to and from school for the duration of his time there.

Is he going to try to get your DS living with him? Therefore reducing any child maintenance payments he makes. The novelty of all the travelling will soon wear off. Have you got any official residence/custody/access arrangements in place?

we have a 50 50 arrangement in place, officially

There will be other chances. He's only 8. That will teach him not to do things like this without consulting you.

Don't worry about primary schools, I went to 4 different ones in different countries and was fine. Even went to 3 secondary schools. No way would I split my kids up during the week for this and I also wouldn't want him commuting that long for a primary school!!

Keep himinhis current school and decide as a family what you want to do.

Your ex moved away. He did this without consulting you. He's clearly trying to manipulate the situation so he either gets to have him (and maybe ultimately both kids) more or to force you into moving there.

He put his name down for the school without consulting you, I mean.