Hmmm . . . how do you manage a new relationship when you're blessed with a teenager?

[Sadik]

Just that really. Have mentioned to dd very casually that I have 'seen someone a couple of times' but struggling to get my head around how I can square the circle of shagging seeing new bloke senseless without trying to make dd feel like I'm trying to post her off to her dad's like a spare part.

Unhelpfully dd has to date mostly been with me at weekends / at her dad's in the week as his new partner has a massive family who tend to be there over the weekend & dd is deeply anti social prefers peace and quiet.

Ease in gently, perhaps arrange a night out and so you dd needs to go and stay at her dads and then go on the night out and if you want to you can take your someone home or go to his.

My son was pre teen when I met my husband, it's not an easy situation.

Good luck

Could she have sleepover with friend. Maybe have her friend over for one so she gets invited back. Take a day off work when she is at her dfs?

How old is she?

Hold old is she?
My fiancé had a 16yo when we met (he still has her but she's older now!)
He's widowed so she's there all the time.
I have a younger child and only one night a week when she's not there.

Things we did:

We had sex in his house - but quietly.
We had sex in my house - quietly again!
He came to mine overnight once a fortnight - his daughter was old enough to be left, but had a health condition that meant he wouldn't leave her more often.
We made use of the daytime We've a few very noisy lunchtimes when his weekday day off coincided with me working at home
We both booked a day off and made the most of an empty house.
We paid the older one to babysit the younger one at his house, said we were going out to dinner but went back to mine for sex instead.

Where there's a will, there's a way

She's 15, and very much old enough to stay home alone when I go for a night out. Sadly she also doesn't do sleepovers! (Maybe one since she's been at secondary school and she's now going into yr 11 . . . ) Or indeed going to parties

I can see some mid-week visits & skiving off work going on (new bloke lives an hours drive away which doesn't help!)
All of which is not helped by the fact that I've managed to arrange work things mostly involving being away every other weekend all the way through September / October and can't now back out of them

Yeah we also did weekday daytimes. I found it difficult only having one DC, I didn't want her to feel like the outsider in her own home. She goes out a lot more now, so it wouldn't be such an issue, but it was when she was in a lot.

When (if?) did any of you introduce bloke to teenager/s? Obviously its very early days, but I think its also complicated for me by the fact that I don't think this is likely to be anything long term.

Bloke is early 40s/no kids/would like - I'm late 40s/been-there-done-that-got-the-tshirt/ looking for a casual pub lunch / going out to gigs sort of relationship. If it does come to anything I suspect it will be a few months of fun before we both move on.

My now dh met my dd when she was 13 after about two months of us dating. In the past that would have felt too soon for me but my relationship before this one, I'd known him 19 years and waited a year for him to meet dd and build relationship - he left for OW after 4 ,years living at my house and never looked back to either her or me and I thought I knew him inside out so...is there ever a right time? My dd is now 15 and gets on really well with dh. I wouldnt say she thinks of him as stepdad as such because I think I'm mum enough to do both, but she definitely treats him as family and vice versa, without labels, if that makes sense. I think 15 year old teens are a lot less possessive than younger children as they're much more self and peer involved.

I think it's true about 15 y/os being less possessive - but equally I definitely want to treat carefully, I think dd definitely does feel a bit of an outsider at her dad's sometimes, and really don't want her to feel that way here.

Believe me I know how you feel re: dad, but I think most teenagers girls arent really bonded to their dads this much at this age anyway, their dads are as good as in another world for the minute.