Sexless relationship advice

[Pintofcrisps]

Hi all, I'm 27 years old, been together with my partner for 5 years, were not married, no kids but we own a home together.
Our sex life has never been amazing, but lately were down to about once a month, she has never performed oral sex for the entire relationship or even tried, though I have for her on numerous occasions.
I try to initiate sex 2-3 times per week, but the constant rejection has damaged my sexual confidence and is making me feel lousy.
I've tried talking to her, which turns into an argument, I've tried small things like doing more around the house and helping her out, taking her out on 'date nights' etc, nothing helps. I've bottled my feelings up for a long time and I feel like screaming the house down. I have nobody to talk to about the situation at all.
There's sexy lingerie in her drawer that I bought her 4.5 years ago still with tags on unworn, we were both off work for around 10 days at xmas and we didn't have sex once. I feel that I need sex and lots of it on my life, but she doesn't find it important.
I love her and she's beautiful, Ive never had any problems with attraction as I fancy the pants off her, but this issue is driving me mad!

The fact that on holiday she was in the mood frequently suggests to me this is about what happens at home, and how much of the load she is carrying. I'm guessing it wasn't a self-catering holiday?

I think it may have been to do with work, chores in the house etc.
She works full time 5-6 days per week, I run a business with employees and can often work long hours though do try to have the weekends off where possible.
We've been renovating our house which has taken a toll on me as I come home from work to work more.
She is commission based so when I suggested she drops a day or two at work she says but She will just end up staying back longer on an evening to make sure She got everything done to earn her wage.
I don't put any financial pressure on her as we are doing ok, I've told her I'm ok with her dropping hours/days as we don't really need the money and surely we should be working towards a better work/life balance as we get older.
She says she is tired a lot, we had a bit of a chat this morning, and she said that for the last 12-18 months her birth control pill has been changed 5 times, and that her period can last for weeks, she said it makes her feel ill and each different one has different side effects, she said she's embarrassed about it and didn't want to talk to me about it.
I've asked her to come off it if it's making her feel that bad or at least to go and speak with her doctor to try and get things sorted, she says she does want more sex and that it frustrates her too.
I feel a little better having had this chat as at least there's some reasoning behind it other than the worst case scenarios like she doesn't fancy me or she's depressed etc. Hopefully now that its out in the open she will move to do something about it, not just for the sex but for her health too as I don't really want her taking pills if they are making her feel like shit all of the time.
Whole thing has my head mashed, never thought I'd be posting on a forum to strangers about it!

That actually sounds really positive OP. I really hope you can work it out together.

It sounds like the pill really doesn't suit her. Can you agree with her to come off it, give it 4-6 weeks and see how she feels?

I experienced the same in reverse in a previous relationship. I was on the pill when we met and got on with it fine, no side effects and we had frequent sex. I then came off it as we were TTC and my libido dropped through the floor. I was a hormonal weepy mess one week of every month and gained a huge amount of weight.

That relationship broke down, I went back on the pill when I met a new partner. Hey presto, libido back to normal!

I am now on depo and have a very high sex drive despite being near menopause.

So for some women hormonal birth control can improve things, but for others it can completely kill the sex drive.

Good luck OP

That's such a positive outcome. It sounds like you both really opened up. I hope this is the start of making a difference to your relationship