Almost 13 years ago I met a much older man. He had 2 young children and had been divorced almost a year. I was in my first year of university and just out my teens. But I threw myself into the relationship. Despite being so young, I knew it was a risk. But he was lovely, made me happy and I wanted to show him women were not as untrustworthy as his ex.
13 years later, despite proving that, today we ended things for good. It isn't the first time we have talked about breaking up. In fact we even broke up before for a year... I casually dated a few other men, he was in a 5 month relationship with a woman who he broke up with to get back with me. In 13 years we never lived together, never got engaged, stopped regularly sleeping together two years ago, and anytime I tried to talk about it, my concerns were met with discontent that I wanted to discuss. And a perpetual suggestion that we discuss it another time.
I knew 2 years ago that we shouldn't be together. I knew we shouldn't have gotten back together after our break. I knew my life couldn't be what I needed it to be whilst in this relationship because we wanted different things. For the same reason, I knew he would never get the life he dreamed of for him and his wife when they married 28 years ago if he stayed with me.
But I am devastated. So so upset that it has all ended. Despite all the problems, the unhealthiness, the lack of committed relationship... he is and always has been my best friend. He has been the most important and constant part of my adult life. The thought of this being it, not being able to call or see him, not being there for each other, not being able to do the things we love together... It all hurts so much. And whilst I know it is for the best for both of us, I am so I sure about what I have to do or how to restart my life now. So, any advice for the coming days, weeks and months would be appreciated.