My younger sister and I rub along fine, but are not close. We used to be, but mainly because before I got married, had kids etc I was happy to bend in whichever direction she wanted and ignore the various jibes and digs. If you speak to my parents she has always felt second best, but is quite the golden child really.
Anyway, I struggle to maintain boundaries when she appears, she is not the type to take no for an answer so despite our not getting on brilliantly, and she and my husband just about being civil she is very good at laying on guilt trips if you don't do what she wants.
Case in point is this weekend...she messaged late last night to say she was around this weekend (doesn't live in our town, but see her every few weeks) and what were we up to. I replied saying that we were around on Sunday afternoon after a birthday party, what were her plans.
Convo goes on as follows (paraphrasing)
Her: Oh right, what are you doing tomorrow?
Me: I have work until mid avo but definitely free Sunday afternoon.
Her: Oh, I see. What about the children? What are they doing?
Me: Not sure, DH will be taking them out I expect.
Her: I'll meet up with him then, what are they doing?
Me: I don't know, it is easiest to stick to Sunday. Why don't you join us for Sunday lunch?
Her: That sounds good, thanks. But tomorrow, why don't I come round and take the kids out?
Cue me head banging the nearest wall. And then I don't know whether I am just hyper sensitive to her and her ways and that makes me put up more boundaries than normal, or whether she is actually being quite rude and steamroller like in her refusal to accept that others sometimes won't do what she wants them to do?
My family has a history of not respecting boundaries and being over involved, so I do have to work hard to try keep some semblance of separation. And tbh, I find my sister hard work. She is hugely negative and the whole world is always against her, last time I saw her she quite literally didn't say a word unless she was directly asked about something relating to her, no casual joining in with chat etc.
My husband is hugely supportive of me and has seen how the various odd dynamics in our family have caused me issues over the years, so is very much of the opinion that she is unreasonable. But then I worry that actually someone impartial would say that I am being unfair, not her. And that I should feel sorry for her.
As it turns out I now don't have to work potentially, so in theory could message her to meet up. But DH and the kids had a lovely plan for the morning that I would far rather do, and like most families with work we don't get a whole day together until the weekends. I would invite her, but then the whole trip turns into placating her and keeping her happy, she doesn't just muck in
I always doubt myself when it comes to my family, and feel ferociously guilty if I don't do whatever they want.
So tell me, is she pushing it a bit too hard in the above scenario? Or is this a normal sibling thing and I am being too over protective?