advice on splitting childcare with the ex

[AvocadoBathroom]

I feel like I'm at the point now where I want to know what my nights are, he knows what his nights are and if something comes up, we individually deal with it rather than forever being in a kind of swapsies. It was ok before we had partners but now that's all changed and it makes time more tight all round.

Can you tell me how your childcare arrangements have evolved over time as you've become more separate and have to also work around new partners etc? Do you still ask each other to cover? My ex has a sister that he could be asking to help him out sometimes but he doesn't, and I feel like because we aren't together, she should be someone he relies on more as opposed to me. I'm with my kid 4 evenings a week, usually the other three nights I'm doing prep for work. If I need to have a night to do something else my brother normally steps in for me. It's a very amicable split so we can definitely make things work, just could do with hearing some practical solutions from others in similar situations.

Just say yes if you can, and no if it's inconvenient. Also, if you say yes, swap it for another night so you get some 'time back'. Are you worried what his reaction will be?

My ex used to have my daughter 2 nights during the week and every other weekend collecting Friday evening and dropping back sunday evening. It worked great.

Thing is, in an ideal world some might say why would a child be with a sitter when one if their parentscwaa available but i agree that in a split family situation it makes for less conflict / resentment / advantagevraking if you set it up as you describe. X night's are yours, Y nights are his and that's it. Otherwise, as you say you are forever chopping and changing. Plus the fact you can know a long way ahead and work around it as far as possible.

Set days... my ex worked shift work and used to do 4 on 4 off, and it wld alternate between days and nights and often change from month to month. It made my life a nightmare as I could never plan anything in advance and frankly it made our toddler son very unhappy as there was no regularity or routine.
I put my foot down once my son started pre-school doing 9-3 Mon-Fri and told my ex he could see him on a Wednesday evening and one night every weekend as we needed to have set days for contact for my son and I to he able to function. He can't just pull our son out for visits on random days now he's at pre-school so he needs to change either his job or lifestyle to make contact happen.
Reluctantly he agreed and changed his job, so now he has our son on a Weds and one weekend day/night.
It works brilliantly for us now and I've noticed a huge difference in my son's overall happiness and wellbeing. He never goes more than 3 nights without seeing his daddy and he knows what days he's whfg him or with me.
Before my ex could go 11 days not seeing him, then see him 3 days in one week, then one day the next week etc etc.
You need stability and routine too