Struggling with the deceit

[Sukistjames]

Posted a while ago about STBXH leaving me out of the blue. 10 months on I am actually quite happy without him and don't miss him at all.
However, I am still struggling to deal with my feelings about how deceitful he was when he left. Short story, told me there was no one else, moved in with her 8 weeks later (told me it was house share) and I found out about her from my 10 year old DS.
I also am feeling pretty shitty about the mutual friends and his family (with whom I had a fantastic relationship with) just dropping me completely.
Please tell me these feelings will soon pass because lately I feel so down about it all.

I have to say it took me a long time to recover from the deceit. I felt the same as you - happy without him and didn't miss him but finding out about the deceit which clearly had been going on for a few years was awful. That and knowing that our family life would never be the same. Luckily I'm still friends with his family and most of the mutual friends don't see him anymore. I did have some counselling to help me and I think moving on to a new relationship helped me a little too but it won't happen overnight. Stay strong

Thank you for responding, fedup. I think some counselling may be useful.

The lack of respect that he had to be able to deceive you stings now, but in the future you may see this differently. To be able to deceive you he is a real horrible bastard and he will always have been obviously wrong. You will always know that you lost a horrible partner - so you never really lost anything, you gained freedom.

The ones that jumped to support him weren't your real friends. I'm sure you can see who those are now.

The best form of revenge is to have a better life. Do not defend to his level and try to see the gain in this situation. I like not having doubts about whether I should have tried harder with my exH as he was awful to me (EA and OW). It will feel better in time! I'm 18 months on

It is bloody hard - with my first H it was a bit different in that he told me of the affair eventually, but I really think I found the fact he'd looked me in the eye and lied through his teeth about it harder to cope with than the infidelity, if that makes sense. I just couldn't cope with how easily he'd deceived me.

As to the friends and family - that's just absolutely shit of them. It's probably a case of social awkwardness rather than them thinking less of you now, but that's no excuse.

BTW my exH is still horrible in communication about childcare now, but I vent on here or ignore. Just glad I'm not with him.

@LanaDReye my exH is also horrible when I have to communicate with him (about the children). I try to ignore too and am also glad I'm not with him. I'm five years on. The first three were really hard.

Hi Fedup we're both on the dating thread so both showing that it is possible to try again.

Suki when you're feeling able to consider it, the long running dating thread is a good place for tips! not all men are cheaters

Oh yes Suki when you are ready to try dating it's worth heading over to the dating thread. Since the break up of my marriage I had a three year relationship with someone which was a brilliant distraction for me. We got on really well and had some lovely times but I didn't feel there was a future (and he was a bit of a freeloader). I'm now (three months in) with someone I've met online and I'm feeling happier now than I have for a long time.