Hi, Newbie here.
Where to start? Right, so my husband and I met when we were 17. You could say love at first sight. We adored each other and have been inseperable since. We got married, had 2 beautiful children and bought a house. Who could want more from life?
Anyway, just after Christmas, my husband started with depression caused mainly by childhood trauma. Something I've always known about but never discussed in depth as he never really wanted to talk about it.
He went to the doctors and started on Prozac in March and in April he started his affair with a colleague.
Our relationship never changed other than he was a bit more down than usual which was to be expected. Around 2 weeks after starting his meds he started with suicidal thoughts which concerned me deeply as he is usually such a strong man. I worried every single day about him. Whether or not he would come home.
It started with him coming home late more often (joys of his job and nothing out of the ordinary at the time so no real reason to suspect anything).
Then in April I discovered I was pregnant. I never wanted anymore but he had always said he wanted 3 children so when he suggested abortion I was shocked. I went on to have the abortion because ultimately for me it was the right decision but I couldn't understand his reasoning behind HIS decision for it. By the by, we had the termination and soon after we went on a family holiday to get over it all. We had a lovely time and the day after we got back he had a work trip which meant staying over in a hotel somewhere. Again, this wasn't out of the ordinary as its part of his job so I suspected nothing.
June rolled round and it was elections night when I found the text from the OW telling MY husband that she loved him. Wtf!?
I dragged him out of bed, questioned everything and he reeled everything off to make it out to be some emotional affair. He had needed someone to talk to and this woman at work was the person. Massively hurt by it all but almost sympathetic we decided to give it another go.
We tried and tried and things were looking up until last week when I had a bit of a melt down. I'd had the niggling feeling that there was more to it. I had from the start but wanted to believe what he told me was the truth. But I couldn't and I just needed proof.
I had a massive clean and clear out at home. Just to take my mind off my "irrational" suspicions until I found his old phone. I completely forgot about it. He had upgraded around the time of the holiday.
I went into a turmoil and couldn't help myself so I charged it up and checked it. It had been reset. Of course it had.
So I decided to do some research on how to restore old data and downloaded some software to do so.
While the phone was scanning my heart was in my throat, my stomach was in knots. I wanted so much for him to have been telling me the truth but I knew deep down he hadn't.
Scan complete and there it all was. In black and white. EVERYTHING. He confessed his love for her and vice versa. They had been meeting up after work (late days) going on nights out together (I thought these were nights out with the lads), the work trip? Yeah, you guessed it, he was in a hotel with HER! Whilst I was at home trying to console my son when he was crying because Daddy was away on a work trip and wouldn't be home for bedtime. I was lying to my son.
The texts were vile. Cooking up stories to tell each other's partners, code words, pictures, telling each other ins and outs of MY marriage and her relationship.
It had been going on for 3 months and neither myself nor the OWs partner were any the wiser.
I confronted him, text him telling him not to come home from work and that was it. He told me he would tell me everything when he came home. He confessed to everything. And now I'm distraught.
It has been a week now and I can't even look at him. I feel hideous, I question why he's here, does he love her, does he love me, out kids, why would he do it!?
We've talked and talked and I don't feel were any further forward. We've arranged marriage counselling for next week in hope that we can try salvage our marriage but I just genuinely don't see how it could help now. I feel unwanted and used.
Has anyone been in a similar position and could tell their stories? Sorry to vent I just had to get it off my chest.