Is he lying to me

[Illfindmyownwaydown]

Wondered for a while wether or not to post about this I think I need the reality slap. I found messages to prostitutes on my husbands phone . Messages making appointments , times , coincidentally for when he finished work (these dates he never came home at all and seemed cold with me ) some messages to them put him right outside their house . Asking them if he should just come up . Googled directions to their flats. Also joined numerous dating sites and hookup sites . Money went missing .. Writing this makes me feel like an idiot !
He has said it was all online his exact words were 'he got a kick out of it all' apparently him saying he was outside the prostitutes house was just 'leading them on ' whatever that may mean ??! He deleted everything and even has closed down his bank account as apparently it was severely overdrawn :/ He is adamant he would never do anything and was 'curious' I am so angry that I am not worth the truth . Why would anyone even do this if they were never going to do it ? Could he be telling the truth ? Seems more and more men screw around online and then turn on the crocodile tears when it all comes crashing down

You know he is. And you can't "close down" an account with a live active debt

Yes it's all bullshit and even the bank stuff is a load of rubbish - you can't shut an account if it's in debt

Sorry but this one is bad news

Lies lies lies.

Yes he's lying. You know he is. Every man says this when he gets caught 'it was just for the thrill' and they are always lying.

I'm so sorry for you

He is so lying to you but you don't need anyone to tell you that.

Why are you still within 50 feet of this punter ?

He is lying and even if he has been 'leading prostitutes on' it makes him a really shit person. Who would do that ? I would urge you to get yourself to a GUM clinic for a check up.

I'm sorry OP but you know he's lying.
Why was his bank account overdrawn? Payments for his curiosity?
Harsh as this may sound, I really think that you should get yourself checked out for STI's.
This must be awful for you

By shutting down his account he just means he's having his salary paid in elsewhere (joint account, your account perhaps?). As others have said, you can't actually shut it without repaying the debt first. This may have a future impact on his/your credit rating.

The messages & missing money speak for themselves IMHO. I know from experience that when you are the one findings the messages, you try to cling to every possible plausible explanation before believing the glaring reality.

But the reality is still there. Your husband has been spending his time & money shagging prostitutes.

Yeah I know it's lies . Guess I was just hopeful that he really was telling me the truth . I got the whole do you think id spend our family's money on that ?!

Yes, he is lying. You want to believe him, but please don't.

What has it been spent on then ?

"You had me believing, while you were deceiving me with Lies" As Jonathan and Butler sang

OP - STI and debt ran up in your name needing checked now

Well the answer to that is a big fat YES

Yeah I've had blood tests and other checks was crying in my docs about it all ended up prescribed something to calm me down . Got the all clear . For that I feel fortunate . I am really angry but to be honest I think I'm numb and in shock . Never thought my best friend of 15 years would be capable of this . And yeh I should not still be here I know this but I feel very very alone and with his constant fucking with my head I feel a bit lost . Clearly need to get a grip . This sucks

What RL support have you got?

Its all lies.

My parents don't live near me and elderly and I really don't want to upset them with drama . They would just worry . His family have a bit of a history themselves . (I've heard swinger rumours and tales of parties held ) I've never witnessed any of this though heard from a couple of people . His family as far as I know don't really care . One close friend is very against him . For other reasons . Just need to offload ! So embarrassing ! I've been sticking my head in the sand

He's been shagging sex workers behind your back. You know he has. Its time to consider if this marriage is worth your self esteem.

So sorry to hear this OP.

He's chosen to fuck other women & paid for the privilege as well. What a loser.
He's chosen this path & in turn obviously doesn't love you as he wouldn't have cheated.
Bin him off, he's scum

OP I went through exactly the same last year. It took me 9 months to leave. Initially I was so stunned I didn't know what to do. Breathe, keep calm....this too shall pass. This is not your fault, take as much time as you need to think and plan.

Please don't be embarrassed, you've done nothing wrong to feel ashamed of

Illfindmyownwaydown are you ok??

Evening all. OP has been in touch with us to ask us to remove this thread now and we've agreed to do so. Thank you to all who contributed and offered support and guidance.