To ask how/when to test STIs? **Trigger warning EA** [edited by MNHQ to include trigger]

[helpmerecovermylife]

I'm very low. Been very vulnerable and risky.

In the last 3 months I've snogged 3 men I've no idea of their history

One was a heavy drug user. I snorted coke plus shared drinks and let him get a bit heavy but no sexual contact beneath the waist

I had unprotected sex many times with another. As recently as last week.

I want to pull myself together but I don't know where to start or what to worry about.

Is there any point getting testing done yet even?

You've had unprotected sex, so yes you absolutely need a full sti check. Just Google sexual health clinic in your area and go from there

Why didn't you bother with protection? It's really important you protect yourself, you need to look after your health.

Is taking coke a regular thing for you?

You say you've been very low, I'm sorry to hear this have you spoken to anyone about this? Gp maybe?

Not regular. None of its normal for me. It's all completely out of character by miles. Was the first time I ever took it and wouldn't have if I hadn't felt so like nothing mattered anymore. Then it was easier to keep taking

Yes you can get tested immediately, some things will show up right away, others may need a repeat test in a few weeks to rule out. Some counselling on your risky behaviour might also be useful?

Do you have a Gp you would go and talk to? Are you anxious or depressed? Sounds like you could do with some other support to steer you away from all this behaviour. Being erratic and risk taking can all be part of the self neglect and nihilism of depression, so please talk to someone about that too?

Wouldn't talk to gp no. Wish I could find some phone counselling at the moment though.

I just don't want to go to a clinic and find out I need to go back unless that can help things immediately

Please get tested. Things like chlamydia and gonorrhoea can really fuck up your fertility and reproductive health if you don't get them treated.

Even if you need to go back for re-testing for some things, it's best to get any STD treated as soon as possible.

Would they already show?

They would show by now. In some areas you can self deter for telephone or on line counselling and/or CBT, have a google? Don't tend to have to wait either.
Lots of counsellors will do telephone or Skype too - the BABCP have a directory or counselling directory also lets you search.

Yes, get yourself tested for your peace of mind. It will also help you to likely feel better about things. I would go to your local GUM clinic if you don't feel comfortable talking to your GP, but personally I think GP is the way to go. Getting STI testing is a completely normal and responsible thing to do. I've had a full STI panel done I don't even know how many times in my adult life. I tend to do it between every relationship, and though I've been with my husband for nearly 10 years, I had quite a few relationships in my teens and 20s. It's nothing to be ashamed of and you don't have to tell them anything, just say you were seeing someone and you aren't anymore and you just want to get checked out before you see anyone new. Nothing to be ashamed of about that.

Some STIs have no symptoms at all and they can hang around for years without you having any real sign of them. They can also impact your fertility and cause PID which can make you infertile when left untreated.

It can be daunting the first time. I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone who was an injecting drug user. This was in the late 90s at the height of the HIV epidemic among herion users. It was scary, but I felt so much better once I knew everything was fine and it helped put some closure on that difficult chapter in my life.

I've lost all self esteem and respect for myself.

EA marriage
Divorce
EA Dom/sub relationship while trying to cope with rape and csa. I knew it was the worst thing for me but got involved anyway
Tried to replace EA relationship with someone with as many fetishes - all things I can't handle emotionally

I know I need help. I just don't know where to begin

I don't even know if there is support for people who end up in fetish/fantasies they can't emotionally handle. I know they're not wrong in themselves but mine didn't start from a healthy relationship and any agreement to engage. There was no safe word. No role play. I just found myself living it.

He knew my history of abuse because I'm an idiot and he got off on it and used me to be his plaything. I feel groomed into it and unable to untangle and heal. I feel such a stupid person for not realising how fucked it was or how far from the way people would normally do those things it was.

Then I stopped caring altogether. Only so many times you tell someone you're stupid and worthless so they get a sexual kick before you think you really are.

I was normal once. I want to go back to that normal

Hi OP,

We've had a report that this thread may be a little triggering so we are going to edit the title now to reflect this.

We just want to echo what others have said and please do seek help from a medical professional and perhaps speak to your GP and ask for some help.

Sending lots of love and best wishes your way from MNHQ

Hi OP.

Firstly, stay away from men from now. Get yourself checked out then concentrate on you. You don't need them at the minute.

Do you have friends, family, hobbies, interests?

Always people here, of course.

Don't beat yourself up, you're having a hard time but it will get better

Yes I had it all. Losing it all. Phoned an STI place who said wait another week and then come in or go in and go back so will wait.

Well that's a start.

You'll get there.

Do you have anyone in RL to turn to?

Hi Helpme, in amongst everything you mentioned EA relationships, rape and CSA, and that makes me think that checking out your local Womens Aid and Rape Crisis organisations may be one option. I'm wondering if it's something you've thought of already, or something you might think about?