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Relationships

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Original poster

Boyfriend wants me to befriend his best mates girlfriend - I don't. How to tell him?

18 replies

AnnaF55 · 31/08/2017 13:23

My boyfriend invited me on a double date with his best mate and his girlfriend at the request of the girlfriend who was keen to meet me. The double date didn't go as well as I'd liked - I immediately noticed a flirty vibe between the girl and my boyfriend that surprised me. I thought she was flirting quite blatantly and even started talking about herself being naked and skinny dipping totally out of context

But I met her again recently and was willing to wipe the slate clean. She seems friendly enough when we talk, but I noticed that even though she's smiling with her mouth her eyes are constantly looking me up and down. Makes me so uncomfortable! And we don't click.

Worse, she was flirting with bf again. When he walks into a room she looks like she wants to jump him - it's not subtle at all. She even had him water her plants when she was on a 2 week holiday recently.

Now my boyfriend has been pushing me to spend time with her while he spends time with her boyfriend (his best friend). When he has a day out with the guys, his best friend sometimes brings her along. He said 'I think you'd really enjoy hanging out with her'. Or at a recent get together where I didn't know many people, he told me to go and look for her! I simply told him no.

The thing is I would gladly double date with some of his other friends and girlfriends who I don't feel are carrying a torch for the boyfriend or making me uncomfortable. But how do I broach this without looking like the bit*h in the situation?

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 31/08/2017 13:26

Just tell him you don't click with her, that you're happy to be civil if you see them occasionally but she's not someone you'll ever best buddies with

You're an adult, nobody has to be friends with everyone they meet, it's not a child's play date :)

SparklingRaspberry · 31/08/2017 13:28

Just tell him no.

I don't get the whole befriending your partners friends thing

My friends are MY friends. His friends are HIS. Don't get me wrong, be friendly and polite etc, but I would never expect my partner to be friends with somebody just because he's In a relationship with me.

I would just tell him you don't click with her but you're happy to spend time with the other girls.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2017 13:29

You need to stand your ground. You are under no obligation to be friends with anyone, and it is creepy and controlling for your boyfriend to keep pushing this even after you've said no. It is not bitchy to not particularly like someone - that's simply how you feel. If your boyfriend refuses to leave you alone about this, I would consider it a huge red flag, and you should think long and hard about the relationship as a whole.

Brahms3rdracket · 31/08/2017 13:29

I'd tell boyfriend you don't like her, but i really don't care about being a bitch. Agree with above though, you don't need organising a bloody play date when he sees his friend.

Original poster

AnnaF55 · 31/08/2017 13:29

I know. The thing is we are taking a short trip with them soon - a 2-3hr car ride both ways to attend an event for my boyfriend's birthday (so that he can save money on fuel apparently).

Honestly I am dreading and feel a bit stressed thinking about it. But know I can't really say anything as it is his birthday and already agreed.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 31/08/2017 13:46

is this a new relationship. I dont know if i could bother continuing a relationship with this flirting going on between him and his mates gf. Thats just going to be a massive issue later down the line

Isetan · 31/08/2017 13:47

Is there a particular reason why you can't be honest about how you feel to your bf? I can understand the convenience of it from his point of view but you want to be friends with her.

Trollspoopglitter · 31/08/2017 14:13

I agree. Why can't you tell him you don't feel she behaves appropriately around him and question why he's encouraging it. Is he getting off trying to make you feel insecure or jealous? Tell him she's welcome to him if that's the kind of emotional mind games he prefers in a relationship.

Have some self respect and stop thinking not accepting this sort of shite makes you a crazy, jealous woman. He thinks so? That's fine, he can find another woman with lower self esteem who will put up "fighting" for his affection. You, meanwhile, will be dating other adults.

HotNatured · 31/08/2017 14:18

I hate it when boyfriends try to make you have 'playdates' with their mates', random girlfriends. Friendship cannot be forced, in fact that's how friendships with any potential invariably die; relationships have to be left to grow organically.

My ex used to try and force friendships between me and his, quite frankly, v bitchy and definitely not my cup of tea, 10 women strong group of ex uni mates. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I will never have anyone dictate, no matter how subtle, who my friends are. I have plenty of my own, wonderful non bitchy friends, thanks v much

WhooooAmI24601 · 31/08/2017 14:20

It's perfectly fine to say you don't get on with someone. If your boyfriend doesn't understand that he's probably a bit of a bellend.

Original poster

AnnaF55 · 31/08/2017 14:21

To be fair when she started up the flirting last time he put his arm around me and pulled me close. She kept on talking but he eventually started ignoring her. I am sure he wants to keep everything friendly between all of us because it is his best friend's girl.

My problem now is having to spend a weekend with them very soon. I guess I need to do it for my boyfriend's sake but sucking it for a whole weekend is going to be tough!

OP posts:

user1487689176 · 31/08/2017 14:29

If he's your boyfriend I presume there's mutual respect, honesty and trust between you, and I'm struggling to understand why you wouldn't just tell him you've noticed she flirts with him and you think it's odd behaviour?

Mrscropley · 31/08/2017 14:32

Friends close. . Enemies closer. .
Seems you should be around her to stake your claim on your bf so she is under no illusions he is ripe for her picking. .

Maelstrop · 31/08/2017 14:32

I think you need to speak to your bf and tell him what you've written here. And on the car trip, make sure you're sat with him, not lumped with her in the back, for example.

SalamiSandwich · 31/08/2017 14:37

They didn't use to have a thing together did they, or something?

jonsnowsbum · 31/08/2017 14:40

Stand your ground and say no if you don't want to. It's nice to be polite and sociable at group events but you don't need to do anymore than that, I'm sure you have your own friends.

When OH and I got together we had a similar situation. His friends GF wasn't flirty, but she wasn't my kind of person. Not unpleasant we just didn't click. She was 8 years younger than me (she was 19 when we met) and at a different stage in life. Wanted to go out partying all the time, constant on the lash 'girls nights' when the boys had 'boys nights'. I'd got to the stage in my late 20s where i was ready to settle down, start thinking about a family, and only go out every month or so. OH was the same and took a lot of stick for it.

It was a weird dynamic anyway because his friend has five brothers and sisters and they all socialise together constantly (and work together as well!) they are very full on like a bloody tribe. Overpower every event or night out we've ever had as a group. I find it all very odd. They fight all the time too! So every time the lads would meet up, there'd be a big fuss made over 'girl time' and all 'girls' were expected to go along. I rarely did, and when I did go I didn't enjoy it or feel very comfortable. I'm quite an introvert though.

Six years on, the GF is now long gone, and the siblings of the friend really don't like me! But I don't care. OH understands why I don't socialise with them and he only really sees the one friend now rather than all of them, they drive him mad.

I'm pleasant and sociable when I see them in group situations but that's as far as it goes. I am friends with a couple of the other wives/girlfriends in the group, we've always got on though, I would be friends with them if I met them in a different scenario. Plus a few of us have kids now so we have that in common too.

ChickenBhuna · 31/08/2017 14:44

Yeah , looks like there's a story there op.

Gemini69 · 31/08/2017 14:53

Don't mention anything about 'not liking her' OP... it outs the onus of responsibility on you .. for having broken up this lovely foursome ..

You need to simply explain, that as much as you like the other couple.. it's not something you want to pursue. you have your own friends and your relationship is with Him.. not his friends ...

keep it simple.. you mention not like Her.. she has the upper hand as the simpering 'what have I done' victim ...

be cool lady and smart

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