Baby 3 Debate

[Seaviewsunshine]

DH and I have 2 DC under 4. I'm approaching 40 and would like no 3. He says he's very against it but won't use contraception other than withdrawl. It's sorting of messing with my emotions as at the back of my mind I think there's still a chance. Has anyone been here and either got pregnant or took steps to definitely not get pregnant? He won't get the snip....

Wow. No wonder you're confused. He is saying one thing but acting totally differently. I dont have any experience which is what you're asking for sorry, but if he is truly against it I cannot understand why he would rely on the withdrawal method.

For a man who is very against having another child, he certainly isn't trying very hard to prevent it. I think you should have a very clear conversation stating if you get pregnant, you are BOTH equally responsible. If he knows you aren't using birth control he has no one but himself to be angry at should you get pregnant.

I can't believe he is against it and won't get the snip!!

I'm with aquamarine. Anyone using withdrawal has to be ready to welcome a baby, and he needs to have that beaten into him that no whining will be acceptable.

I'm not surprised you're so confused. Why does he say he won't use contraception? He does sound quite selfish and entitled, not only does he want to get his own way regarding the number of children you have, he expects you to take total responsibility for ensuring his wishes are adhered to. If he absolutely does not want a third child he needs to grow up, and ensure he keeps to his responsibilities.

SeaVeiw - I have a different way of looking at it.
It may be that your husband is not 100% sure about what he wants. 3rd child is a commitment, and work, and pressure on husband to provide more and for longer.
I don't think not wanting a 3rd is being selfish. Just realistic about what that means and how much energy/resources he has to parent existing and potential new kids.

However, being not a 100% sure - he may be Ok with a small chance that he is taking by using the wirthdrawal method.

You - already have 2 healthy kids. Your desire to have the 3rd one may be driven by age and the diminishing fertility. Many women go through that. I did as well, so I can relate.

Just live your life, focus on your kids. If - and it's a small chance - it happens - you'll be happy.
If it doesn't - then it's not meant to be.
Try not to fixate on this and make issues where there are none.

Jos I think you've nailed it on the head! I think the pressures of a 3rd is what he's afraid of. We also had terrible sleepers/feeders so the first year with both was awful. I'll try and adopt that attitude you have described. Thank you for the words.