How do you get them to leave?

[MinesABabyGuiness]

I have decided to divorce DH for many many reasons (I have threads on here under different user names).

We currently have a joint mortgage, well joint everything really. And he will not leave. Keeps begging me for another chance, saying he will change and actually his behaviour hasn't been that bad etc.

It's early days but can I make him go elsewhere or do I have to let him stay? We have 3 dc (2 are his) and they are with me currently.

You start divorce proceedings, and agree a settlement which will determine housing arrangements. In the meantime you can't legally remove him from the house ( as he can't you) unless there is dv and / or you manage to get some sort of occupation order.

Does he have anywhere else to go and how will that be financed?

I know it's hard, but this is his home too. As suggested, you'll have to start the DV proceedings, and go from there. Unless he does something that threatens the security (mental or physical) of you and/or your DCs.

Could you move as you're instigating the split?

There is domestic violence towards me and then last night he pushed my 12 year old DD into a chest of drawers (tried to downplay it after and say he just moved her hand and she tripped) and screamed in her face calling her a lazy fucking bitch. I didn't want to drop feed but I was hoping I could get him to leave without invoicing the police really.

I have nowhere else to go, not with 3 dc anyway. He has several options.

Ideally I would like to stay here til at least April as I finish my post grad then and my income will significantly increase, allowing me to get a better mortgage on my own. Not sure if that is doable though? I'm a realist and know these things often start amicable but turn sour very quickly.

*drip and involving. Autocorrect is on one today.

He has assaulted your daughter. Report to the police immediately.
Also tell them about the previous domestic violence towards you.

A strong trail of reporting this abuse can be used to get him out of the house, possibly help with getting your divorce, and can also assist in making access "supervised" only.

Don't worry about social services involvement. They probably will be informed by the police, but their only intention will be to offer protection for your children.

Also consider asking for advice from Women' Aid or the National Domestic Violence helpline.

The police have already been involved, twice. Although the last time was 3 years ago. He was bound over in court after I stupidly retracted my statement and they had nothing to go on.

Social services did come round but could see the children were fine (the violence happened when they were asleep) and went away again. I know they are only there to help but I do not want their involvement.

To everyone on the outside we look like this perfectly happy couple, with well behaved and polite children. It really is true that you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

He has been downplaying it all day, non stop messaging me from work. Said he can't believe I would break our family apart over this. He won't take no for an answer but that's my fault for letting him walk all over me in the past. Think he was shocked last night when I told him to get the fuck out and didn't back down.

Report this latest assault to the police. It will show him you are serious. It shows your daughter you are serious.

I've had women's aid phone number in my phone ready to dial. But I don't know what to say, where to begin really.

My DD knows I am serious, it's only him who fails to see that. I told her he won't be coming back and the relief on her face and the big hug she gave me said it all.

He is adamant it wasn't an assault. He says she put her hands up, he moved them away and she tripped. I unfortunately had my back to them both as I was picking bits up from the floor. She says he pushed her, he says he didn't.

They were already rowing because DD had broken her phone and left some glass on the floor, a bit of which I had stepped on and gone in my foot. I had already warned her to be more careful, got her to check for any further bits of glass and then took her phone off her. He says he was just backing me up but he really went to town on her and it isn't the first time. I'm disgusted really.

He is adamant it wasn't an assault. He says she put her hands up, he moved them away and she tripped. I unfortunately had my back to them both as I was picking bits up from the floor. She says he pushed her, he says he didn't.

They were already rowing because DD had broken her phone and left some glass on the floor, a bit of which I had stepped on and gone in my foot. I had already warned her to be more careful, got her to check for any further bits of glass and then took her phone off her. He says he was just backing me up but he really went to town on her and it isn't the first time. I'm disgusted really.

Try and find half an hour to call WA, they know what questions to ask. Keep picturing that look of relief on you DD's face. It's not going to be easy but involving the police will show you are serious.

If you don't go to the police then it will take much much longer to get him to leave. Please don't do that to your DD!

Thing is, if you don't report it to the police, then there is nothing there to stop him having access. Pick up the phone, report it and carry it through. For her sake, if not yours.