Things have not been great between my husband since our son was born five years ago. I struggled with my post pregnancy body and in turn suffered from bad post natal depression about the time my son was one year. I considered taking my own life but I didn't because ultimately I couldn't do it to my husband or my son. Or to myself. I have only spoken to my husband recently about this (during counselling) and he has said he is struggling to understand my state of mind at that time and that 'he's never felt more let down or betrayed.' Obviously this was hard to hear as it was not my intention to betray or hurt him. I was in a dark place mentally. In the last few months our marriage has really hit a low with both of us pulling away from each other. The physical side of our relationship has completely disappeared. We had some counselling and both agreed we wanted to work on our relationship. Things felt like they were getting better until recently I discovered he has been having fairly graphic sexual conversations online with other women. In a state of paranoia I checked his phone (I'm not proud of this breech of privacy) and there's more stuff there. It reads like he's actually meeting these women. I confronted him about this and he said it was all fantasy and not real life at all. He says he did it because the lack of a physical relationship between us has made him feel asexual and merely just a provider for the family. I feel beyond hurt by all of this. Whether he's met these women or not I feel like this is cheating. I feel betrayed and without hope. I have torn my heart out trying to work on our relationship (and myself) and now I'm not sure why I'm putting myself through this. Rather than work on reigniting our relationship (emotionally and physically) he's seeking comfort somewhere else. At least that's what it feels like. I'm not totally innocent as I know it takes two to make a marriage work but this feels like such a betrayal and very hard to take after he's sat there in counselling and talked about us learning to trust each with our emotions again. I honestly don't know what to do or say. I'm desperately trying to hold it together for our son but right now I want to run away and curl up into a ball.