AIBU to be hurt by my friends?

[everymumever]

This is my first post but it's been eating at me.
I'll just jump in:
I met Friend A through the Mush app when our babies were 3 months old and we bonded quickly. We were meeting for coffee, going for walks and talking about everything. I thought I'd made a friend for life. She introduced me to her best friend, Friend B. We all got on really well and started getting together as a 3 with a child each. I never tried to get in the way of their lifelong friendship and accepted that they would be going out and doing things without me. I'm not a jealous person.

A year down the line, Friend A's neighbour, Friend C comes into the picture. She's a few years younger and a total performance parent (e.g singing 'the grand old duke of york' so loudly to her baby that we couldn't talk over it) and we just didn't click. We don't have anything in common but I made the effort to talk to her whenever we went to soft play or whatever. I gave her a big bag of DS's clothes as a friendly gesture thinking that maybe I could grow to like her but I always felt very unwelcome whenever she was out with us. Our friendship just didn't develop, every time I saw her it was like the awkward first time you meet someone.

Then in June I had a miscarriage and Friend A and B were there for me at first but then suddenly started to drift away. I made an effort to ask how everything was going with them and the children, tried to organise trips out but there was always excuses and non committal answers.
Then A, B and C start doing things together and now I've noticed that all 3 of them are ignoring every single one of my social media posts. it sounds so petty I know but I can't help noticing it because they're all over each other on FB and instagram, liking and commenting within minutes. There's been no messages for weeks now and I'm sick of being the chaser. We were so close and we all got support from each other at a vulnerable time in our lives so I'm feeling a big loss in my life now. I get the feeling that Friend A just goes with whoever is convenient, we started off living in the same town, then she moved and met Friend C and I don't have a car so maybe I'm just not convenient anymore. Which really doesn't seem fair. I'm a person, not a bloody ready meal.
(Sorry for the chapter length post)

YANBU I would be hurt too, I was the first in my friendship group to have a baby so ended up being a bit isolated while they carried on with life as normal. It's horrible. But then again do you want friends that make you feel this way? My rule in life now is that if someone doesn't bother with me, I don't bother with them. Why should you?

Sorry to read this. Sadly, people make choices for all sorts of reasons which can be hard to comprehend. Sometimes, you just have to learn to accept them. I would get busy with other things. Unfollow them too so it's not in your face all the time.

Didn't want to read and run.

I don't think you are being unreasonable per se. I would be upset by their behaviour too, especially at a time when you really need support and friendship. Sorry to hear of your miscarriage saying that this can happen sometimes.

I think I would look at going out and about to try and meet some new friends, it sounds like these aren't going to be lifelong (sorry). Perhaps try mummy social or find local Facebook groups? Also, unfollow them on social media and stop liking their posts etc. I had similar feelings about non mummy friends when I had DS1 and I actually removed myself from social media for a time and felt so much better afterwards.

To be honest, would you really want to be part of such a clique anyway? They sound like the kind that huddle to themselves at toddler group.

Best of luck.

When you've a daughter in high school you immediately remember the way some girls could be - those girls don't usually change when they become adults. Those three are like a little gang at school who - for no reason - have decided to ignore you. They're no longer your friends.

What about reaching out to one of them (whoever you are closest to) and seeing if they want to meet up for coffee or lunch? I suspect that some of it could be that they just don't quite know how you are doing and if you really want to be around them after the miscarriage. I had a mc in April and there were a few friends I told (who had had mc in the past and were a real source of support) and they were wonderful. But other close friends who I tried to lean on, just sort of disappeared for a bit after. It took maybe about 3 months for us to reconnect. I think maybe sometimes people don't know what to say and so they just sort of ignore the situation and don't say anything at all. Which isn't the best thing to do, but I think sometimes they just don't know any other way. It definitely took until recently to start warming those friendships up again. It can be hard. I suspect as they were all friends before that it's easier for them to spent time together rather than broach the subject of inviting you and maybe doing or saying the wrong thing. I would just reach out and see if you can plan something with someone and see how that goes. If they don't follow up, I'd just give it some time and see where things go. Mummy friendships come and go unfortunately and especially as your lo's get older and life situations change. I am in touch with few of those friendships I made a few years ago when my daughter was a baby.

Thank you all for replying. Unfortunately I have tried reaching out but Friend A now works with Friend C so they spend all their days together and now weekends too. I just can't compete. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I asked them a while ago specifically why it was that they were ignoring me and they just denied it all and tried to make me feel like I was just over-emotional and overthinking things because of losing the baby. 😐

Sounds like friend c has said something about you or turned the others against you. Maybe she has made something up, but you might not know what has happened unless you ask one of them. No wonder you don't want to feel like this any more, it sounds terrible.
Can you try and make some new friends?

Just delete them all off social media and ignore. It must hurt but don't let their mean behaviour affect you.

Friend C has 'wendied' you. I'm sorry, it's really painful but there's no point flogging a dead horse now. Move on and forget about them, you'll find other people you gel with

Sheep, I realise now that you're right. I can't believe the others would be so easily led. I just feel like such an effing idiot. I find it very hard to trust people and make friends after being bullied at school (even though I'm 27 now, it scars a person) so this really hurts. I guess I'm just going to have to go back to the drawing board, maybe go back to toddler group. Thanks all :)