He's moved out, what do I do now???

[PlsTryAnother]

I'll try and keep this short. Relatively amicable separation - DH moved out on Monday. We agree we need to divorce and sell the house. We have debts, a mortgage, a joint bank account and all the other stuff that goes with a 15 year relationship (10 year marriage if thats relevant).

I've got no idea what I have to do now, practically. I have almost no money available atm......he got paid on 27th into joint account but it all went on bills etc and paying for him to live elsewhere. He's in the same position tbf, but thats not my problem.

I have phoned tax credits and have started a single claim with them and I also need to phone jobcentre plus to ask about any thing else I'm entitled to. I do work part time and am a carer to my disabled DS.

I have phoned the council and done the same re council tax - single occupant new bill.

What else do I need to do???? He is coming round tomorrow afternoon so we can hopefully talk about finances and stuff and phone anyone we need to both speak to. I've been searching online for a list of steps to take and people to speak to etc (i like lists!!). Please someone help me? I feel so out of my depth here.

I think a visit to CAB is probably your best bet.
They can help you make sense of what you are entitled to along with maintenance etc....

Open a new bank account in your sole name if you don't already have one.
Get your wages paid into the new account.

Have a look on the Gingerbread website. There's plenty of good advice on there to get you started and you can talk to somebody in person too

Thanks. I don't think I can do this. The split was both of our decision - as was him moving out. But he's making things so difficult now, its like he's turned into a different person since monday. I've just found out that he's not actually coming round tomorrow to sort things out, so I've got to do it all alone. Its all too much. We got into loads of debt due to his drug use and gambling mainly....and now he gets to walk away and start a new life and leave me to pick up the pieces. His parents have just phoned me as they're on the way to visit him, yet he hadn't even told them he's moved so they thought they were coming here. I'm trying so hard not to slate him to his family, or mine even, but he's making it so so difficult. I so just want to tell everyone the truth, but I need to protect my son. Sorry for the waffle, guess that needed to come out.

Ok I can feel the anxiety in your post.

Firstly, you're looking at this from the perspective of having the the whole thing to deal with, which you have, and that seems insurmountable. Actually what you have is a series of smaller tasks that all link together and bit by bit you will get to where you need to be. It won't be immediate and nor should you think it should be. This is a number of small tasks that will you get you to your goal and you will do this bit by bit.

You are a strong capable woman who is understandably feeling overwhelmed, that's natural and it's ok to say so. No you can't do it all now but you can do a bit here and there to get you ever closer. There are numerous women far less capable than you are and who were a far worse state and they got through bit by bit. You will too, honestly.

It might also be worth having a chat to an organisation like stepchange. You don't have to do it all yourself or immediately. The 2 organisations I've mentioned (and Citizens advice) will help you you priorotize what needs to be done.

In the meantime, keep wading through that treacle until you feel the pressure start to ease, and I promise you it will.

JoysMum Thank you so much. That brought tears to my eyes! I need to put this back in to perpective. Its shit, but it could be much much worse, you're right.

I can do this.

You really can do this. Baby steps. Post when you need a boost

Just thought I'd update. You were right Joysmum - i don't need to do it all as once. I've spoken to a couple of people we owe money to and they've been great so far and giving me a bit of time to sort things. Also phoned TC and council tax and have that sorted. I know I've still got loads to do but its manageable. One step at a time.

I feel in a much calmer place now. I'm almost enjoying it!