How to tell family and friends?

[crisscrosscranky]

My marriage is ending. It's sudden and my choice. No cheating but massive trust issues husband is a compulsive liar.

It will come as a shock to everyone; I've put a brace face on it for a few months and we have a 7 week old daughter as well as DD1 who is 10. To the outside world we have it all at the moment.

How do you tell people? My mum knows but I just blurted and cried at her- I have no idea how to tell colleagues (I will have to return to work sooner than expected to pay mortgage), friends and family. I don't want people to pick sides; its the end of a long road for me so I feel numbness rather than pain/anger.

Telling people seems scarier than asking STXH to leave.

I don't see why you have to tell anyone, especially co-workers, until you want to. Your life doesn't have to be an open book to every Tom, Dick, and Harry in your life. It's also ok to tell anyone that you don't wish to discuss the reason why you're getting divorced. It's none of their business.

Sorry I've drip fed on the colleagues bit- I work in HR and Payroll so would have to declare divorce for pension reasons. They will also know it wouldn't be my choice to return to work so soon.

I suppose the question is how do you even tell people you're separating? I don't plan to go into detail with anyone he'll only make up another story but even telling people we're not together will be a surprise and a massive disappointment to some of our older relatives as our families have somewhat 'merged' over the years (my DM and MIL are friends although didn't know one another before we married as an example)

Declare divorce in a year or two when you actually are legally divorced. Otherwise, you don't need to tell anyone you don't wish to. Work will be last place to know - or care - about your marital status.

Tell them you just aren't suited to spend the rest of your lives together.

On the one hand it's sad it's not worked out but that there's nothing sadder than being stuck with someone you aren't suited to do it's for the best.

I mean, you don't need to announce it if you don't wish to. Your friends might ask... how's the family. Oh you know. Ups and downs, lately more downs and sometimes I wonder... but I'd rather not discuss my marital problems if you don't mind... switch subject.

You can gently let friends know things aren't well without announcing separation etc. Unless you want. There's no rule that says you need to let everyone know you've separated.