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Original poster

Do Antidepressants work?

34 replies

SallyLouise75 · 30/08/2017 22:21

I'm struggling to come to terms with my husband of 21 years leaving me and everyone I speak to says I should make an appointment with the doctors to get some antidepressants. Do they actually work or would I be better trying to deal with the situation on my own? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you

OP posts:

Mo0517 · 30/08/2017 22:34

Hi Sally, it would definitely be worth speaking to your gp about it and they would decide if antidepressants are suitable for you. Perhaps counselling would also be a good idea?

Beebldrama · 30/08/2017 22:54

Antidepressants just numb you out enough to get by - if you're lucky. In my case they made me feel doubly suicidal & I had to go cold turkey. What you really need is some stonking good therapy to help you adjust to your new circumstances.

Original poster

SallyLouise75 · 30/08/2017 23:05

Thanks, I have good, was gonna say days but maybe not, good hours but whenever I talk about the situation or find myself alone I get so upset again. It's been 8 weeks and thought I would feel better but still can't come to terms with my new so called life.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2017 23:15

Personally, I am very much against using antidepressants to deal with "normal" emotions. All they do is make you numb - they don't actually help you DEAL with anything, and they can also have very negative side effects.

Obviously, if someone is seriously mentally ill, medication is clearly needed. But being upset, sad, and confused after a breakup is normal and healthy. You've experienced a huge shock and your mind needs time to process how you're feeling. I think a lot of people don't appreciate that feeling horrible isn't always a bad thing that should be avoided or stopped at all costs. You need to address your hurt and sadness. That's how you will grow and move on. Perhaps talking to a therapist would be beneficial.

Original poster

SallyLouise75 · 30/08/2017 23:25

Thanks, I have a number through work for a helpline that I need to pluck up the courage to call but I don't like to do it when the kids are around. It's the realisation that I'm on my own now and that he's changed into a horible person from the amazing guy he was that's hard to deal with. Learning to be on my own is also hard to come to terms with after so long together. I don't think I want to take antidepressants just wondered whether they worked.

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 30/08/2017 23:25

A meta study by a prof of psychology at Hull uni showed that the difference between antidepressants and placebo is only significant in cases of the most severe depression.

What you're dealing with is not mental illness but devastating life events. A natural shock and grieving process. I wouldn't expect to be feeling better after 8 weeks. It's very similar to if he had died.

ADs can have unpleasant side effects such as increase in anxiety, insomnia, racing heart etc.

TatianaLarina · 30/08/2017 23:27

Unfortunately there is no magic pill that takes grief away and helps one come to terms with life events. Therapy would be so much more to the point in this circumstance.

Melabela10 · 30/08/2017 23:37

I'm very much against antidepressants, they have been overbprescribed in western countries. People think it's a magic pill which takes the grief and sorrow away and suddenly make them happy.
I'm very sorry OP this happening to you, it's completely normal to feel sad and disappointed given that you have spent very long time together. 8 weeks is still very row. The good news is that break ups rarely affect mental wellbeing long term and very soon you will start feeling much better.

Big hug and stay strong

Joysmum · 30/08/2017 23:49

Yes they can work. I've needed them about 20 years ago and it required a change of pill to suit me but the change worked.

Dh is on some because of the grief of the loss of both parents. Luckily he was prescribed the right ones but returned as directed by the doctor after 4 weeks and needed the dose upped. Since then it's been reduced again.

Certainly they haven't numbed him or me as previous posters have suggested. There's a range of different meds available so it's ridiculous to suggest that all antidepressants numb. Attitudes like that create a false impression and stop people getting the help they need.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 30/08/2017 23:56

All they do is make you numb - they don't actually help you DEAL with anything,

Just because this happened in your experience doesn't make it true for most people. Anti depressants can be life changing, as they were for me, and have never made me feel numb.

Not to say you definitely need them OP but I think it's dangerous of pp to throw such statements around when antidepressants have been extremely helpful for a lot of people.

Slimthistime · 30/08/2017 23:59

I have depression and anxiety as medical conditions
So I've found them literally life saving
However I'm puzzled by the notion of taking them for situation like this
They make me a regular functioning person so break ups and bereavement would still be diabolically awful because they are, you are having a normal reaction.

My feeling would be that in cases of grief and anxiety the best thing would be careful use of tranquillisers but I know how doctors are about giving those out. However, starting on tablets for long term use can have real nuisance side effects going on or off so to get through a short period of the extremities of awfulness, it seems a bit of an odd tactic, especially if you've no experience of taking them and no idea how you will react to them.

corythatwas · 31/08/2017 00:07

as others have said, big difference between taking them for a MH condition and taking them in the hope that they will somehow do away with grief

for someone suffering from severe depression they can actually be necessary to enable you to feel real emotions (including grief) because depression makes you go numb

Josuk · 31/08/2017 00:14

I've been depressed twice - once went with therapy with a psychologist (to deal with mostly issues from the past that came to haunt me) and once, with post-natal depression - went on medication, wasn't a choice, really. Would not have made it through otherwise.

In my experience - the sort of issues/hurt you are facing with your H leaving are best dealt with therapy. At least at the start.
And then, your therapist can recommend medication, if appropriate.
However, if you are getting to the point where you are feeling like you are falling apart and spinning out of control and can't contain it all - then, possibly, medication is something you might need.

But - really - if you are struggling - go and see a doctor. Ask for help, there is no shame in that.

And - sorry. I hope it gets better for you.

LanaDReye · 31/08/2017 00:24

Short term plaster cast but the bones still need to heal underneath. I found mindfulness helped me heal and only took antiDs for 2 months (decided not for me).

Friends told me I would feel differently after 6 months as time is a healer. I didn't believe them, but it did feel v different.

Fireandflames666 · 31/08/2017 06:52

For me they didn't work full stop. I felt emotionally numb and felt so much worse.

DadOctave · 31/08/2017 08:15

Hi, Ive been on ssris since 8 weeks before I uncovered my wife's affair, was prescribed them to help with constant anxiety/stress from work/life in general as a stop gap until I can get some counselling going, they did help but found myself bumping along the bottom after a while. Day before I uncovered affair my GP upped dosage. Cue the perfect storm. Fallout+increased dose overwhelmed me, i kept bouncing between euphoria and utter dispair, after 1.5 weeks got go to reduce dose again. Much better, I am centred and my feelings about the breakdown of my marriage and my wife's affair are more centred, I am grieving, angry, sad, I do have a healthy level of anxiety/trepidation about the future but I'm starting to see the positives. I think without the medication (and support from family/friends) i would be way way more anxious and having a lot more black dog days.

I think ssris aren't for everyone, they won't suppress natural feelings as everyone has said, and can leave you feeling numb, but some people (like myself) they do help a bit if day to day life is just too much to cope with.

You could always try ST John's wort if you didn't want to go the whole hog, there's also 5htp but I never noticed any affect from that when I tried it.

Original poster

SallyLouise75 · 31/08/2017 08:34

Thanks all for the advice. Think I'll try the counselling route as I suffer from anxiety and don't think I could cope with the chance of the side effects. Take care all xx

OP posts:

ssd · 31/08/2017 08:36

I'd try to let time take its course before going down the anti depressant route

as others have said, what has happened to you would make anyone feel awful and no tablet will take that away

EasyToEatTiger · 31/08/2017 08:44

Anti depressants work if you are depressed. Your counsellor will tell you anyway if you need to see your gp. It may not be anti depressants that you might need anyway. I've had to take them for decades. Under my current situation I have been armed with other drugs as well as the anti-ds don't touch the sides.

PsychedelicSheep · 31/08/2017 10:44

Definitely try a psychological approach first. Many GPs are irresponsible with prescribing ADs, they give them to people who are coping with adverse life events and then just leave them on repeat prescription for years and years!

Blossomflowers · 31/08/2017 12:05

Sally Firstly sorry you are feeling down it is a difficult time. In answer to your question in my opinion yes they do work, I to split from ex after 22 years and was really struggling, my work was suffering, hard to feel happy about anything. Was put on Fluxotine, was tough first couple of weeks but eventually it worked wonders. I still dealt with emotions and was not monged but bloody well helped.

madcatwoman61 · 31/08/2017 12:08

From my experience what they do is improve your mood so that you can actually face dealing with things.

ssd · 01/09/2017 23:56

blossom, if they helped you eventually, how do you know it was the tablets or just time taking its course?

I dont understand anti depressants for events in our life that would make anyone heartbroken, surely the only thing that works there is time?

my friend had depression and her anti depressants turned her around and she is almost back to being herself, they certainly work when you are depressed.

sunshiney78 · 02/09/2017 00:07

Some people going through a bereavement/trauma do become clinically depressed, needing treatment. So your GP will need to diagnose whether you are depressed (irrespective of cause) before deciding on what the best way forward is.
In my experience, antidepressants don't numb you, but help you to cope.

MistressDeeCee · 02/09/2017 02:14

HI OP, I took anti-depressants for a while after a traumatic relationship breakdown some years ago. I think they did numb me a bit - but what they did, is help me get out of bed face the day go to work. I needed that. I didn't want to stay on them tho so I switched to 5-HTP which are natural mood enhancers my lovely DD told me about as she could see I was floundering

Alongside that tho, I did have to tell myself that this was it, this had happened and I absolutely could not let it floor me. Im not sure I believed that really, but I got up and out with friends, joined a Meetup group (was shit scared at 1st but am still best of friends with 2 women I met) and started exercising at home daily. It was a fake it till you make it kind of thing.

I think anti-depressants can be a good kick start. I know there are horror stories but for me I needed to snap out of the mode I was in and they certainly helped. If you don't want to take them, have a read up about 5-HTP, see what you think

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