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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do you cope knowing that he's with OW?

23 replies

sunshiney78 · 30/08/2017 21:27

So I asked STBXH to leave 6 weeks ago after friend found him on Tinder. I recently found photos on our iPad showing that he was seeing someone at least 6 days after I asked him to leave.
Yesterday he told me he's in a relationship. Today he facetimes DD from her house & he's obviously spending the night there, and it's killing me.
I know he's not a good man, and I'm probably better off without him, but how is it fair that he gets to have his happily ever after what he did? And so soon?! While I'm left here grieving, trying to survive at the same time as trying to be a good mother to DD6.
He did the same to his previous wife, left her with DC aged 4 & 7 for OW. (Not me)
It just makes me sick to my stomach, and I don't know how to deal with it.

OP posts:

DuchessofManchester · 30/08/2017 21:30

Oh I'm so sorry. No useful advice but you've done the right thing and he'll be moving onto someone else soon enough. Men like that are never happy with what they have.

INeedToEat · 30/08/2017 21:30

Get angry here or to friends. Write letters but then burn them. Give yourself time.. it does get easier. It's a process and you are allowed to go through it - just try to do it with dignity (at least in public).

shivermytimbers · 30/08/2017 21:30

I think it's just going to be a matter of time really - which sucks when everything's so raw.
Just take things a day at a time and look after yourself like you are you're own best friend.
Do you have anyone to come and keep you company for an evening or two? Do you have a good box set to get through?
You'll be fine soon, but it's going to be tough for a bit

Mrscropley · 30/08/2017 21:31

Remember by making her his gf there is now a vacancy for ow. .

Leave them to it coz it won't last.

Barbaro · 30/08/2017 21:32

It's doubtful it will be his happily ever after. It's a happy relationship now, but for how long? How long until he is persuaded else where? How long until he tries to get back with you as he made a 'big mistake'? How long until she becomes paranoid he is cheating?

He has a habit, cheating. Chances are he'll cheat again. Try to move on, I know it's hard, but he'll never truly be happy. He's always looking for the next 'best' thing.

INeedToEat · 30/08/2017 21:33

Oh and remember it's not his 'happy ever after'. He's just going from one messed up relationship to another.

You are well rid. One day you will be comfortable with this.

scrabbler3 · 30/08/2017 21:38

You're luckier than she is.

elevenclips · 30/08/2017 21:40

He's done it before op so he is used to this part.

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 30/08/2017 22:10

Thank you! Decided to watch a series for distraction.

OP posts:

DiscoDiva70 · 30/08/2017 22:18

I'd be inclined to make sure he can't get through on face time. It's torturing you, especially calling whilst with ow. If he wants to contact your dd he can come and see her.

zozozoo · 30/08/2017 22:24

Ok mine moved straight in with ow. It took five months but they're finally done. Keep strong.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 30/08/2017 22:39

Don't believe for one moment that it's his happy ever after. It's not. He's desperate for a roof over his head and OW is mug enough to provide it. For now.

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 30/08/2017 22:51

Hope she enjoys the loud snoring

OP posts:

Winterskye · 30/08/2017 23:29

Sunshiney78

I am so sorry you are going through this. IMO this is not normal behavior. It sounds like he wants a reaction from you, to be jealous. You deserve better then that.

Angrybird123 · 31/08/2017 00:02

Try not to base your happiness on what is happening with them. My ex and ow married recently. He does have his 'happy ever after' but i have 99% of time with my kids and peace of mind that I didn't screw over my kids for a pathetic adolescent infatuation with an insecure basket case who won't let him out of her sight. it's v v hard but one day at a time, minimal contact, block.on social media and think about the 'prize' she has won. X

Babymamamama · 31/08/2017 00:06

Remember that karma will ensure that with time he will follow the same pattern and his current partner (OW) will be betrayed for another OW.

LanaDReye · 31/08/2017 00:15

My advice having gone through this (over 18 mth ago) is to focus on the best form of revenge...having a better life.

Leave him to his lying pathetic ways and re-find who you are and what you value. Don't get dragged down. He will probably try to ignite and then flame your anger as he knows he's wrong and will want you to be the bad one too..."see I left a crazy woman"...don't give him the satisfaction!

Sickofthisalready · 31/08/2017 05:56

This happened to me. Two weeks after leaving he was broadcasting his new gf all over social media. I had nights where the thought of them together was almost too much to bear.

They lasted about 2 months, then she found out he'd lied to her about something quite serious and that was that.

lunaysol3828 · 31/08/2017 05:59

The only thing I can say is: karma is a bitch and sooner or later sorts things out. Easy as that. You need to focus on YOURSELF and on your DD in order to provide for you and her a happy & healthy life. It will get easier. Sure, not now. But it will. Chin up, OP

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 31/08/2017 08:46

Thank you! This means so much to me. xx Had. a nightmare last night that DH was cheating & left me. Then woke up this morning & realised it was true. 😞

OP posts:

RoderickRules · 31/08/2017 08:54

Sounds like your brain is processing it, getting it into your head!

You say yourself, you really know he is not a good man.
In your heart of hearts, you really don't want to spend the rest of your days tied to someone who behaves like that.
You have a chance if a good life without him, which you would not have with him.

You might feel like you love him, but you have to love yourself and DD more.

New mantra 'I choose to Love and look after myself'
You are priority, not them.

BanyanTree · 31/08/2017 09:05

His new woman must be a bit dim or have very low self esteem. I am pretty sure if I met a man who had left family no. 1 for OW, then did it again to family no. 2, I would run a mile. He's got massive form.

I agree with Lana. You don't see it now, but you have had a lucky escape. Focus on yourself now. Eat healthy, go down the gym and take up running. Ebay your old clothes and buy new ones. Get your hair done and have a makeover. You certainly don't do it for him. You do it for you and your DD. Be relaxed, smiley and happy when you see him. Wish them a nice time.

The greatest revenge is for him to see that after he left, you emerged from the cocoon of sh!t as a beautiful butterfly and now you have had time to realise it, he was holding you back and a negative influence on your life. Thank him for leaving and wish him well. Let him see that having a c@nt like him around is bad for ones health and wellbeing and it's relief some other sucker now has to put up with his crap.

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 31/08/2017 12:18

OP posts:

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