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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do they ever come back?

38 replies

Fudgit · 30/08/2017 17:42

Second attempt at this (thanks mumsnet for deleting my previous thread) as the other one was really sappy and identifying.

Just wondering how often in your experience do people come back if things didn't work out the first time? I'm not talking about a long-term relationship, just someone I felt a strong connection to (mutually I would say) and things were a bit bumpy, the timing was off and we're now not in contact.

I'm open to moving on but also not especially interested in a relationship for its own sake, fairly content in that sense but I do miss this person and I'm wondering if in your experience it's quite common for people to leave it for a while and then reconnect, or is it usually just finished?

Maybe most people just move on especially in the age of OLD but this one was rather special, to me anyway. OTOH if it's finished it's finished and I do have to assume it's final for my own wellbeing, I know that but would it be so bad to keep hoping a bit too?

Any experiences with this?

OP posts:

YellowAardvark · 31/08/2017 15:36

I could have written your post OP. I had to tell myself that it was one sided though or else you never move on. I think strong connections are so rare though it's hard not to be confused and I always wondered - if it wasn't to work out what was it all for?

Original poster

Fudgit · 31/08/2017 16:30

@YellowAardvark I know, it is rare and that's what makes it so hard. And while I know he liked me I suppose I have to accept it wasn't fully reciprocated or things would have been different. Rather deflating but it's probably better to be realistic. And obviously I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want that anyway. If you love someone let them go... blah blah blah 😄

OP posts:

MissSilver · 31/08/2017 16:50

Maybe he had someone on the side or was in a relationship? How well do u know him.

Lillygolightly · 31/08/2017 16:55

Why did things end? And how long ago?

Sometimes feelings can linger for a long time as absence can make the heart grow fonder. However often when things have been over for a while we can tend to over romanticise the past. Also if you weren't together very long sometimes not together long enough to see the bad bits which makes things seem better than they were or indeed would have been.

It can be so hard when things are over when you weren't ready for them to be over. X

Original poster

Fudgit · 31/08/2017 16:55

@MissSilver I don't think so. He had a lot going on in other ways though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fudgit · 31/08/2017 16:57

That's so true, Lilly and I know that part of it. Just have to try and catch myself thinking silly over-romantic thoughts and stop. He wasn't perfect obviously and it wasn't the love affair of the century. He was pretty great though to be fair

OP posts:

YellowAardvark · 01/09/2017 03:33

Sometimes I think people have feelings for you just enough - just enough to keep you around but not enough to commit, when they like you as a person but not be necessarily as more. That's how I've rationalised it anyway.

You have to move on though. If they want you they will chase you and if they don't you will have healed so win win

YellowAardvark · 01/09/2017 03:34

But I am where you are also and it is hard

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 01/09/2017 03:42

DH and I have one of these stories. Dated in university then went our separate ways. 10 years (and several other romances on both sides) later, we reconnected - in fact our "second first date" was almost exactly 10 years to the day from our "first" first date. That was 19 years ago.

I think we were so young first time around, we really needed to forget about each other completely and live our own lives for a while.

segc94 · 01/09/2017 03:55

Me and my DP were together for 2.5 years, split up for 9 months and got back together.. since getting back together it's been 4 years and we now have a DD!

I advice trying to move on from it (not necessarily with another person, just try not to think about it and get on with life) if it's meant to be it'll be!

RegisterNow · 01/09/2017 05:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillBrysonsBeard · 01/09/2017 06:15

I felt like this about someone once who I dated from online and despite being happy with my DP and kids I still check up on him 10 years later. So no answers I'm afraid.. Always resisted contacting him though as I don't even want to go there, but still look at his pictures for some reason.

lasttimeround · 01/09/2017 07:15

I've seen it different ways. I've a friend whose now husband initially decided he had to date some other woman whom he'd met first on OLD. Because he'd met her first. Few weeks later he reconnected with my friend and said he'd made a mistake.
I left an ex for someone else for a summer then got back together with him. Not sure if that relationship was good. We were long distance a lot. Very wrapped up in each other (connected) but probably not in a good way. We had a few good years after then split.
Other story is a male friend and his ex. They were friends and kept rekindling relationship or spending important things like holidays together. I think she always hoped he'd come to his senses. He never did. I thought it was cruel as it happened from mid 20s to late 30s and basically messed up her chance at happiness elsewhere.

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