Family

[themauvehen]

How do you learn to cope with family members who simply don't want to see the truth within your family?

I don't want to really give specific details but I am finding it harder and harder to just bite my tongue and "let it go". It's a situation where others in the family can see no wrong with other people within the family whereas I'm just dismissed as unimportant, but often I'm the one holding it all together and doing all the hard work.

If I say anything to point out the in-discrepancies, I'm described as jealous or bitter, but I just want people to see the truth of what's going on under their nose. Sigh.

You seem to be referring to the "flying monkeys" which are often well meaning but useless people (and therefore easily manipulated and not always family members) sent in by the toxic parent to do their bidding for them.

Flying monkeys need to be ignored totally; they are not interested in hearing your side of thing and only act in their own self interest.

You may find this helpful as well:-

flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

I've had exactly this, point out something that's not right and been accused of jealousy. It was insulting. Felt like I was being forced to put up with it and everything I said was wrong and I had no right to say it.
To be honest, it just got better over time and I started being listened to. At the time it was happening, I went out a lot and spent as little time as poss with those people, came back home when they left. It was obvious what I was doing and there was a few arguments about it, but it cleared the air and things started to improve.

I empathise. I've a couple of very immediate family members who have got away with very hurtful behaviour over many many years, that has left me feeling very low and angry. But I can't say anything or express any anger because "that's all in the past now". Bloody families.

Thanks for the replies.

I think it's quite hard to describe but if I were explain it as having a sister who does nothing for my parents but my parents think the sun shines out of her arse.

My achievements are never acknowledged, the tiniest positive of hers is banged on about for weeks. I am literally talked over and ignored.

I suspect my parents know what a lazy arse my sister is but don't want to admit it because they might have to admit to their own failings and situations that they have have not helped with.

It's not about my sister or parents but it puts it in context a bit.

On a good day, I just rise above it. On a bad day it really upsets me and I end up losing sleep with the frustration of them not seeing the life around them.

I just feel others get plenty of credit in my family (for doing a fraction of what I do) and I get nothing.

And I read that back and it sounds self pitying. I just feel frustrated mostly though, I don't want any medals but I just want some interest in me and acknowledgement of who I am.

Some parents are just a bit shit and don't treat their children equally. Your best bet would be to acknowledge that that's the situation and genuinely let go so you don't drive yourself mad and bitter over it.
If it's difficult, then therapy could help.

In the kindest way op stop being a martyr. Don't put yourself out for them.
Say no.
Let them earn your time and respect.

How much do you put yourself first?
Are you a martyr?