Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Soon to be Ex is in a relationship with his first cousin

32 replies

EdgeofGlory · 30/08/2017 13:30

I will be divorced from an adultering, sex obsessed man by the end of the year. He has continually cheated on me throughout our marriage in the most sickening and degrading ways.
I have recently found out his cousin has left her husband and they are now in a relationship. He is dragging me through the family court as my daughter has refused to see him. Will his latest shenanigans have a detrimental affect on his court action?

OP posts:
LottieDoubtie · 30/08/2017 13:32

I shouldn't have thought so unfortunately.

It's not to my taste (or well most people's...) but it isn't actually illegal/a threat to his children.

Anecdoche · 30/08/2017 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisfamily · 30/08/2017 13:36

Well done for divorcing this man who has no regards for you...or for family boundaries. he is an awful example for your children.
I hope you find some peace.

Original poster
EdgeofGlory · 30/08/2017 13:36

She's 12 but a very mature 12yr old.

I think I'm just struggling to get my head round it. We went to family parties together. Her husband I understand has made threats to kill her. All very worrying.

OP posts:
CardsforKittens · 30/08/2017 13:38

Sorry that your ex is a twat.

In the U.K. it's entirely legal for first cousins to have relationships and marry. Personally I wouldn't want to, but it wouldn't be illegal. I doubt your ex's new relationship would have any effect at all on the outcome of the court action. How old is your daughter? I think if she's over 12 her views will be given more weight in court.

CardsforKittens · 30/08/2017 13:39

Sorry, cross post. The threats are very worrying.

thisfamily · 30/08/2017 13:39

Who is 12. Your DD?

Original poster
EdgeofGlory · 30/08/2017 13:40

The court ordered a 'wishing and feelings' report which we are awaiting contact about.

OP posts:
thisfamily · 30/08/2017 13:41

His cousin is welcomed to him. Whatever she said says more about her than you, Hope she gets some sense. he is not worth it.

Original poster
EdgeofGlory · 30/08/2017 13:45

Yes my daughter is 12.
He is the kind of man who grooms women, to quote one of the many disgruntled husbands over the years. He likes the thrill of the chase then dumps them. He's a very troubled sole.

OP posts:
thisfamily · 30/08/2017 13:48

Glad you are leaving your trouble behind. As far as your daughter is concerned, it is her choice and only hers to decide if she still want contact.

Original poster
EdgeofGlory · 30/08/2017 13:52

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
PaganGoddessBrigid · 30/08/2017 13:55

WEll, that will be awkward for his first cousin when they finish.

I can't imagine it.

Original poster
EdgeofGlory · 30/08/2017 13:57

Yes I have thought of that, all the future family gatherings when he's dumped her! It's such an acrimonious divorce and cost me nearly £20k - just want my life back.

OP posts:
Bekabeech · 30/08/2017 13:59

One good thing though - if the cousin's husband has threatened to kill her - it's a good thing if he is now out of the extended family.

PaganGoddessBrigid · 30/08/2017 14:00

You'll get it Brew

When I see my x now, for handovers, we are so distant and civil. He's like a stranger now. Neither of us would ever show any emotion. No sighing, no resentment, no nothing Handovers don't take the slightest beat out of my stride. Couldn't care less who he's with, what he's up to.

It takes a while though. Actually, have Wine

Lovemusic33 · 30/08/2017 14:05

I wouldn't give a toss who my ex is seeing, you shouldn't either. Your dd is at a age where she can decide if she wants to see him, him going to court won't make a huge difference as you can't force a 12 year old to see their father. I would just cut him out of your lives and move on.

sizeofalentil · 30/08/2017 14:45

If it makes you feel any better, an ex boyfriend many moons ago (most probably cheated on me with and) married his cousin shortly after we broke up.

They later got divorced, and he sent me a message one December (about 5 years after we'd broken up)saying his parents were going on holiday this year so he had no where to spend Christmas as he couldn't spend it with his gran's because his cousin/ex would be there.

TheNaze73 · 30/08/2017 14:48

Just worry about yourself & forget about the ex. Couldn't do it myself however what he is doing is legal

Angelf1sh · 30/08/2017 17:47

Weirdly (unless things have changed since I last read the sexual offences act 2003, which is perfectly possible because it's been at least 13 years) it is perfectly legal to marry your first cousin but is actually a crime to have sex if you're not married!

Bekabeech · 31/08/2017 06:27

@Angelf1sh: Not all cousins only those where (A and B are the cousins): if A and B live or have lived in the same household, or A is or has been regularly involved in caring for, training, supervising or being in sole charge of B,

Graceflorrick · 31/08/2017 06:44

First cousin Shock

Angelf1sh · 31/08/2017 07:45

Ah ta beka I always thought it was odd. Still is really because that A and B can still get married.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 31/08/2017 08:32

Congratulations on leaving him op.

I've had the same kind of expenditure on divorce so I understand- it's like a palpable pain knowing what you could spend that money on.

The best thing to is ignore and live the best life you can, find some happiness and close the window into your world.

Leave him to live his Beverly Hillbillies life.

Carolinesbeanies · 31/08/2017 08:40

No. But your anger may.

Personally, I like the US approach in many states. If one parent is frustrating access, custody reverts to the other parent who will ensure stability and access to the other parent.

A 12 year old is a child and will be utterly focussed on not upsetting a clearly very angry mummy any further. A mummy who is currently the sole care giver. This is neither a new or original position, though it is a very powerful one. Children have been placed in the front line of angry divorce disputes for generations, and it boils down to one issue and one issue only, anger.

Infidelity isnt sufficient grounds to refuse/deny access, and many women here should be grateful for that or theyd have lost their children overnight also. The simple fact your ex has had to go through family court over this, doesnt conveniently ignore why hes been forced to do so, at his own expense also.

You have been wronged, dreadfully, but thats for you as the adult in this, to deal with. Not project onto children.