Ending a group friendship.

[MaggieSimpson44]

Hi! Just looking for a little mumsnet wisdom.
I've been friends with a group of women since our babies were born. There are four of us. We meet up most holidays with kids, go for night outs and speak regularly on whatsap. A few things recently have made me feel like I'm a sort of "second string" member of this group.
I suspect the other 3 have another whatsap group as some arrangements have been made/changed and the other three have known about them and seemed surprised when I have no idea.
I don't get on with the women's husbands, no row or anything I'm just ridiculously shy around men.
Arrangement changed last minute that are good for the others but not me (eg arranging to go for a night out then switching to afternoon on the day.... They all have husbands, I'm reliant on babysitters)
Now I've just seen on FB that the three of them have had a night out that I haven't been invited to and have arranged a day out with kids tomorrow that I'm also not invited to.

So, three options.
Raise it with them and see if there's an issue that we can fix.
Cut contact or fade out the friendship.
Continue to see them on an as and when basis without seeing them as my close friends.

Also, all our kids have birthdays in the next couple of months so we're all invited to each other's parties.
Would you go?

Advice/kind words appreciated as I'm feeling a bit low about this.

I'd raise it to be honest. Though I can totally relate to how you feel.

Time to find new friends OP xx

Maybe they know you won't have a bsitter during those times they have met without you so there is no point in asking. Just say it to them but when the three are all in the room so to avoid Chinese whispers. I totally get feeling hurt by it all the same but don't lose out on outings continue to meet up I made that mistake of isolating myself and I regretted it.

I would raise it by text message before you show up at a party and feel awkward or upset if they are chatting about things you have not been included in. .

If you're going to raise it, do it face to face in a non confrontational way, not on a text message

I would just take it for what it is.
Does it matter if they are closer friends than you?

Don't raise it, they're not going to say, oh yeah we don't much like you. Let it phase out, go to the kids parties as you've committed to going and you can't really uninvite then to yours. Be a nicer person. But let it go, not all friendships last.

Are the kids good friends? Unless you are really upset about loosing friendships or not being as close as the others I would just leave it - or a very gentle comment about seeing the night out/sad to miss out and see what response is. Its horrible to feel excluded but perhaps they are just genuinely closer and if your kids are all friends it would be sad to have a falling out if not necessary....

Mayhem is right. Probably no good will come of raising it, and IME could end badly. Let it go, but don't 'fall out' with them would be my advice. Free yourself to find friends more sympathetic to your situation.

Thanks all!!
I don't massively mind missing out on one night out, none of the things individually would have really bothered me it's just a build up of little stuff (not all recorded here to avoid a five page long post!!) ds isn't that fussed about the kids tbh, he'll play well with them one on one but then he'll play with anybody, he doesn't ask for them or name them as close friends. I'm hoping that as he starts school this time our social circle will change anyway. Really don't want a row with anybody, just feeling rubbish.

Maybe raise it the one you feel most comfortable with?

if your on a 'whatsapp' group.. REMOVE yourself from the group... they will be notified when you do this...

no further explanation required Sweetheart..

Your circle will change when he starts school.
Be the friend you would like to have!
Easy going, inclusive, considerate...