not happy with my marriage

[1988alexandra]

we got married this summer after 1 year and a half of being together. Before getting married, we had some issues, but tried to solved them, apparently we didn't or I didn't, as he says.
So, making the story short, in the first 6 months of the relationship, he was great, he was acting like he was the perfect man, flowers, gifts, words and doing everything I wished for..something changed him and he began to say that the change was because of my behavior, that he woke up from the dream and I am not the person he wants to be next to him. He told me that i am spoiled because i was the only child, that I begin fights with him on different minor things that I don't like about him. Fights for him means communication in contradictory, so every time I am contradicting him or I am saying something I don't like about him, for him that is a fight..
I found him that he spied on me at my home and he didn't even recognize..and of course after some fights I ''ever'' begin, he admitted to do it because I had a relationship with a neighbor before him, so he wasn't sure of me. He even postponed the wedding and left the house before the wedding due to my behavior. He returned after 2 weeks, saying sorry, that he was confused.
We got married and every time we have a fight, he usually is using silent treatment and I have to apologize even when it's not my fault, because he doesn't talk to me for day/days. When we had our fights at the beginning, I was yelling, but told me to change and I changed, now he is the one who is yelling constantly at me. So, every fight we have, he is the one who is right, I am the one who is wrong, he doesn't listen to me at all and he acts very ironically when I ask for explanations or I say my opinion.
We had a fight because he lied to me that he is eating alone, instead he was eating with his female colleague who invited him to eat. Of course, he didn't admit it and I came with proofs, but I had to apologize again because he didn't want to admit anything and was busy with giving me the silent treatment. He even told me that he married for fool with me and that I have fooled him to marry me..with what I fooled him? I have my own house, my car, everything is mine, he was the one who moved in, who drives my car..so he was telling me that I didn't change, that I still begin the fights..
He even got upset one morning because he was repeating 111111 and I said to him to stop because I heard already..and he got mad because I have raised my voice (he says) and told me that I don't like him for what he is, giving me again the silent treatment and of course, I had to apologize to stop this behavior.
He is acting like a princess and I am fed up with this behavior. I cannot speak what I don't like or what disturbs me, even when I came with accusations with proof it seems that I am still the one guilty.
Now, I have a fertility problem and all the doctors tell me to make a baby because there are chances I will not do it anymore..he doesn't care, he told me that the problem will pass. But nothing will pass..and I don't know what to do..He said we cannot do a baby because we do not have a stable relationship.
I cry every day, I've changed from the joyful person I was to an introvert person, he changed a lot, he now seems so disinterested and nothing I am saying is right for him..
What should I do? I am worried about the baby because I really want babies, but I don't know if I will ever be happy with this person.

Oh please. Just cut your losses and leave. What's the worst that could happen? As someone else said, you were fine before you met him and you will be fine afterwards.

also he lied about the female colleague when she told him to go to launch together..he told me that he went alone..after I've discovered this and arguing about, he told me that he cannot argue anymore because of my jealousy and my childish fights..he never admits ok i am wrong, i lied to you and sorry..no..he just got back to me that i am paranoia and jealous..this was the same behavior as with the spy cam, he spied on me, never admitted to do so, even with proofs until we had a huge fight he finally admit that he wanted to see what i am doing, but of course he said that he put the spy cam because of my behavior

Stop analysing him. Stop analysing the relationship. The only fact that is true is that he is abusing you.

Again.
He is abusing you.

You need to end the relationship.

everybody from here told me to leave him and i really appreciate your time..i am thinking about this too, but i am also thinking that i will be a divorced woman after 2 months of the wedding :( also, men will look at me very strange, on why i have divorced so quickly..and i am aware i will find very hard someone else as people has this kind of mentality: oh..she was married..no..

I don't know exactly what kind of man would look down on a woman simply because she was divorced, even if the marriage was of short duration. Certainly no man that I know would care. Perhaps you need to broaden your horizons as far as the type of man you may be interested in.

I beg your pardon if I'm making incorrect assumptions, but is this feeling re divorced women a cultural norm for you?

I REALLY can't imagine anybody giving a toss about that, honestly. IF they ever even ask, the reason is clear: he was abusive. There you go.

Nobody in their right mind would ever so much as tut at you cutting off an abusive relationship. Anybody who ever would is just sending you a red flag to run, far and fast, away from them.

Seriously do NOT worry about "how it might look" to only be married (to an abusive person) for just a couple months. The only people who would care are genuine monsters.

Your past is yours. When you meet somebody new, your past is not their business, anyway. Any man who makes your past, before you even met them, their business and would hold anything from your past, before you met them, their business, is an abuser just like this man.

99% of men will not care, even a little tiny bit; in my experience, most don't even want to know. 99% of men will be angry at your abuser for hurting you, and will understand that you've been through hell. 99% of the men you'll meet will thank God that you got out before it was too late. That 1% are the ones to avoid.

Actually, good question @acrossthepond. @Alexandra, are you from/of a non-British native culture? Sorry, I'm not sure how to ask that without coming across as insensitive, but I do not mean to be; I kind of assume most people here are British. If you are in a place/culture that very sternly looks down upon divorce and ostracises divorced women universally... You know, even then I still have a hard time imagining people caring at all about that when you're being abused.

I don't know anything about these kinds of laws, but maybe some helpful MNer does...

Is it possible after only 2 months to have the marriage annulled?

I am from Romania and here people still have this mentality; once a person has divorced, will look strange at you..they believe that once a person is divorced, she/he must be guilty for something..and have this face like: oh are u divorced? i am sorry..men the same..

Well, you can worry about what people think, and stay in the marriage, and that means that you have no chance of ever making a different marriage with a nice man.

OR...

You can end the marriage, be brave, let people think what they think, and maybe you will be alone for a while, but at least you will have a chance to meet someone else, and have a happy family later in your life.

As long as you're married to him, then all you have is him. You can't have children with him because he will just be cruel to them and it will be even more of a mess. It will just be you and him. Is it worth staying in that situation? Just because of what other people might think?

It's up to you. You need to decide what is more frightening: being alone, or being stuck with this man who makes you cry every day.

Are you really considering staying in a marriage to a man who makes you feel shit and is destroying your self-confidence so that people you don´t know aren´t wondering why you got divorced so quickly? Really, that is an easy choice to make. A man who loves you won´t care about how quickly you got divorced, especially if he learns about how awful your first husband was.

You've been naive and he sounds like a prick.

This is who he is and the guy of the first twenty four weeks was an act. If you're serious about having children then you'd be doing you and your future kids a disservice. If you think he's horrible now, be prepared for an even uglier version of him to be revealed if you ever became pregnant.

It's time to let go of the act that was the first twenty four weeks and accept the prick behind the act. Divorce may still have a stigma in Romania but for most people in the U.K, it no longer does.

There is no happy future with this man.

Then think about living elsewhere if you won't get the respect your deserve in Romania. Or perhaps move to a large city in Romania where people may have more modern ideas. Is that a possibility? Do you have any family in a more progressive area either there or elsewhere who might be able to give you some support to change your life for the better?

i am a romanian and i live in romania..i cannot move as i have my house here and all my life, job, some friends..he told me yesterday that his female colleague ask him to go to launch together..why he cannot see that this is very disturbing for me..why he cannot understand this after he lied to me..i acted very indifferent after he told me and of course he acted the same with me..every time he is saying: i am behaving like you are behaving with me

i know that i am an impulsive person and usually when i am disturbed by something i say in the face, not hiding..he always tells me that this is not ok, to change my behavior and to tell him something that it disturbs me with a good word, not so direct..i cannot change, i tried, made some little changes, he doesn't see anything of the changes..he repeats me constantly that i haven't changed

but he cannot see that he also changed from the loving person he was to an indifferent man..he repeats that he changed because of behavior because he is fed up with my childish fights and for him, the marriage is not like that..we need to leave in peace and harmony..i know that, i want the same, but i am not that calm person in order to say ugly things on a beautiful style..now i am getting paranoia and thinking that maybe he is cheating on me with his female colleague

If you're waiting for him to change, you're going to be waiting a long time. This life, comes with this man and if you want a different one, then it won't be with this man.

i cannot trust him anymore after he lied to me about the lunch..i don't have that stability coming from him..he postponed the wedding due to his confusion, he married me, telling me after 3 weeks that he married for fool, before the wedding he wanted children, now he doesn't want anymore (i don't want either as this is the situation right now, but he is confused every time after we fight)..and somewhere in my soul, i know that he would leave me if he could fin any better..and every time he doesn't speak to me for hours i am imagining speaking to his female colleague..i can't stop thinking of that..maybe i am paranoia :(