Not happy with my marriage

[MaKo2015]

I'm not sure how to start this but I feel I'm getting more and more depressed because of my marriage. Both me and my husband work a lot, he has a full-time job and I have 2 jobs. Plus I'm dealing with the household and other things all by myself (we don't have kids yet). Yet I am never too tired to listen to him, take care of him, wanting sex etc. He is the opposite, comes home, says hi and hides himself behind his computer or mobile phone (that is on the rate occasion we are both home at the same time). There are so many things I have to cope with by myself because he is not there or doesn't seem interested enough to listen. Also I'm a very sexual person but constantly frustrated because sex is on average once a month and it's not that great. We have talked about it so many times that I think there is no point anymore to repeat it to him. The amount of sexual frustration I have accumulated over the past years is something I can't even put into words. Plus I feel I'd like to have a baby soon but if we are doing it once a month that's a plan I can forget. I dragged him to sex therapy a few months ago, he came to the initial consultation and then refused to continue. I thought marriage was about partnership and cooperation... what I got is sexual frustration and a feeling of loneliness.

I know I can't blame it all on him as he can be a great and sweet husband. I want to know what I MYSELF can do to improve my marriage. Couple counselling doesn't seem to be an option, he wouldn't come. I just want to feel less depressed and enjoy life a bit more. If you have some advice for me I'd happily take it. Thanks.

Walk. I genuinely can't see another viable solution.

Cut your losses, find someone else to have children with. Having dc in this relationship would be a mistake.

"I want to know what I MYSELF can do to improve my marriage".

This is no marriage. How long have you been married and what was he like prior to marrying?.

How is he a great and sweet husband to you if you feel depressed and starved of affection (this is a man after all whom you think would refuse to attend couples counselling, went to one sex therapy consult and refused to go thereafter, hides behind his computer and or mobile phone). He is clearly not is he and that makes me think your own boundaries in relationships need more reinforcing.

There is nothing you can do to rescue this because it takes two to make a marriage work. He is not interested in you or anything to do with the relationship; cut him loose and make a new life for yourself without him in it. Do not bring children into this dysfunctional mess of a relationship.

I mean, seriously, think about this being your life forever, just like this. If you stay, you need to pretty much give up on your own sexuality, work two jobs, barely have any meaningful company in your time at home and continue doing all the household stuff. Into this sinkhole of your time and emotional effort, you would like to introduce children, for whom you would end up doing all the childcare and housework for - because it's extremely unlikely he would step up. He's signalled very clearly he's not interested in changing the situation and your unhappiness is of no importance to him.