How to leave someone you still love.

[lilly0]

I have been with DP for 7 years since I was 17 and he was 23. Relationship has been rocky I was recently diagnosed with a neurological condition. I wasnt much help I found it difficult to clean, cook and hold down a full time job I struggled to go out because of fatigue.

We separated for a while Dp was always criticising me and I felt terrible , I was finally diagnosed and have been taking medication I feel a lot better cleaning cooking going to work and enjoying life and I still have my condition and I need to rest but I am managing much better. Dp hasnt been supportive whatsoever he just thinks the medication makes problems disappear and I am magically cured.

He got depression which I helped him through drove him to appointments cleaned and cooked just showed him empathy and love. Fast forward a few months later and he tells me I am fat and he isnt attracted to me as much anymore. Which I get I have put on weight have lost 10kg so far , he wants me to go the gym daily and how he almost had an affair with a woman from work because I am fat and he deserves someone slim and he watches porn because I am fat. It hurt while he was "depressed " it was because he couldnt fuck a woman at work and that I am fat. I felt so fucking angry that I had been supporting him when he just wants to fuck other women
. He then had the audacity to ask would I forgive him if he fucked another woman from work . He then apologised the next day and said hes messed up in head that all men are perverts he has been acting strange since his 30th birthday buying a sports car etc like hes having a midlife crisis 10 years early.

I know hes a twat but I still love him so deeply he is a good dad, I just cant forgive him for the shit he has said. He has changed so much like he thinks hes an adonis and deserves better. I am not sure if hes mentally ill .

I want to leave him but I still love him so much how do you get the strength to do so?

You deserve respect. I take it stress makes your illnesses worse?

I think you have to learn to respect yourself. Because that's what you deserve.

People who love each other don't treat each other like that.
He's not a nice person to you. In anyway shape or form. AT ALL
It's a bitter pill to swallow, when you've put all your love and empathy into someone and they don't show you the same back.
I'm so sorry, but he's not showing you love.

And do you want to spend your life with someone who you know doesn't love you, the way you deserve to be loved.

I think he needs to admit responsibility for his own actions and feelings and stop trying to make you feel like it's your fault to give himself an excuse for being a dick.
It definitely sounds like he is a bit mentally unbalanced and it is destructive behaviour that you don't deserve. And it is his responsibility to fix it not yours.
From my experience I would start planning your exit strategy...
It's hard but you are worth more.

The fact that he makes you unhappy is more important than you loving him. People can love really horrible people doesn't mean they have to stay with them.

I would opt for happiness if I were you. Yes it's difficult, sometimes seemingly impossible to leave someone you love but in the long-term it's for the best.

Maybe write down all the ways he makes you unhappy and focus on that. Use the anger to spur you into action.

He sounds arrogant and nasty, not a good dad or role model for your dc.

You leave because you deserve respect and if you stay with him, your self-esteem will be eroded.

He'll think you are desperate to be with him.

Trust in yourself and believe that there are decent men out there.

Thank you, he does make me very sad most of the time, I still love him I cant cut him out because hes dds dad it would be much easier if I could just cut him off.

You do not have to feel sad for the rest of your life. He's still your dds dad and that won't change
But you can chose happiness! And he doesn't seem to make you happy.
Letting go of the hope of what might have been is the first step.

I know it's sad but you're still young OP, and even if you weren't this is no way to live and there are better men out there. Anyone who says those things to you is horrible, what the hell?! Please don't think that because you've put on weight that is ANY excuse for what he's been saying and his general lack of support and empathy for you. I know you love him but I'm sorry, he's foul. He wants you to go to the gym every day and you're recovering from a neurological illness and need to rest? What an absolute dick. He wants you to look like a dolly bird, cook and clean for him (does he carry his weight with housework? I'm betting no), and he's probably shagged someone at work already from what he's saying. All men aren't perverts. Clearly he is though. He didn't get depression because you put on weight, that's a total red herring and emotionally abusive nastiness.

It's hard to imagine your life without someone you've been with so long and from such a young age but even if he spends all his free time feeding orphans and massaging your feet, I can say without a doubt he's a grade A prick from what you've said in your first post.

You don't have to stop loving him, if that's the way you feel. But please get rid. You will look back and be so so glad you didn't waste any more of your life on him.

You can have a co-parent relationship with him. With everything he says, you just need to say it's clear you don't make him happy and he is free to pursue any other women, as you want to end the relationship.

He's a very unsupportive man and it won't get better, so best plan your exit sooner rather than later.